A Christmas Morning Reflection

I haven’t written here for 6 full months.

It’s funny how time slips away from me. Sometimes, it’s my own fault for procrastinating, but on occasion, I look up, and six months have simply passed.

The truth is, I have been holding onto some feelings of doubt and uncertainty- planted like a seed in my heart. Seeds of doubt can quickly turn to fear, developing over time because I allow them to. This time, the seeds are different- blooming somehow into something wonderful and lovely.

In Matthew 11:28-30, it says:

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

I have rested my writing here for 6 months. I have not rested my pen. I have been channeling my insecurity and prayers to write in a new way- always first a brain dump- then some soulful sometimes heartbreaking prayers and finally a story I didn’t see coming.

The scripture I have read every single day for 6 months. It reminds me that it is normal to be weary with situations, jobs, and people. (Jesus became weary sometimes, and withdrew to a high place or a garden to pray.) It also has renewed strength in me that I forgot I had been gifted by the Holy Spirit. A lens of grace through which to look quietly at people and experiences.

Through grace, I can see there is unknown hurt behind action. The body language of those around me- even strangers, reflects that their actions are a result of something that doesn’t have anything to do with me. I hear the tone of voice, the choice of words, and the after-effects of silent rejection. I feel the pressure to conform to the standard of others’ opinions and feelings. I can only stand still and allow the Lord to fight for me as he requested.

Exodus 14:14 says : “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

In the stillness, I hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me to stay locked into obedience to the Father. Choose the path He has planned for me. I prayerfully communicate my every thought, feeling, and longing to Him. Then listen and observe the outcomes.

In my weariness and anxiety, I paused and reflected on my past and present actions. I forgave myself for my shortcomings, as the Father has promised forgiveness. I found peace and a measure of content that I recognize and it envelopes me like a warm blanket.

He says for me to rest and be still- simply abide in Him. I rest and abide as requested.

The time I have spent with Him has been time well spent. It has been ugly at times, tearful, anguished and intense. It has taken being still for 6 months, abiding and moving forward day by day. It has cultivated in me a level of gratefulness I could never convey with words. My heart is full and content because I invited Jesus to not only live there fully but gave him complete control. I forgot what it felt like because I allowed the feelings I was experiencing through my interactions with people to over ride my guide, Holy Spirit.

While the journey of writing and being an obedient believer in Jesus has been lifelong, I have been storing up some of the treasures in my heart. While the moments of unexpected joy are blissful, unconditionally loving people when it’s hard might be my favorite. (Surprises me, too!)

Choosing grace when others need it most is a gift only Jesus gives, through me. Choosing forgiveness when someone is hard on me is essential. Being obedient to the things expected of me by Christ is the most important thing I can do. And sometimes, living with the knowledge that I can only control what I believe, how I act, and how I respond is the best gift of all. What other people choose to believe has no bearing on my salvation or the plan God has for me. Those things are simply a reflection of their character.

Being Still this Christmas Morning,

XOXO,