Dangers of Comparison

You cannot compare your grief to anyone else. It is not fair to you, and it is not fair to them.

This process can be overwhelming. It takes a lot of self-restraint to keep yourself from saying things when you see others grieving in a different way than you. It also can make you doubt if you are doing it right.

I have three ways to redirect your thinking when you begin to compare your style of grieving with someone else.

The first way to redirect is to stop for a moment of self-reflection. When we grieve we may not follow our norms. Our emotions are heightened. Our responses to people may be more like reactions. We are rarely reflective in a positive manner. Teaching ourselves to pause for a moment before anything else is crucial to redirecting our mind from comparing to consoling.

The second way to redirect is to recognize boundaries we may need for a short period of time. In order to cycle through some of the grieving, we must do personally, we may need short-term boundaries until we are ready to publicly grieve.

The third way to redirect is to learn the word “NO” has power and gives us room to breathe. By cutting back on our obligations, we create white space on our calendar. It is a welcome feeling to have no obligations on some of our hardest days. Staying busy is not actually a cure for the grieving. It can overwhelm and consume us if we overbook our time and put off dealing with our feelings.

These are three strategies I have used successfully when dealing with comparing my grief with others. It may work for you, or you may have to find something more appropriate for you.

One thing I know for sure- comparing myself to others is never a good idea because we are all created to be unique. God does not cookie-cutter people. We have our own unique gifts, traits, and personalities. We have an opportunity to thrive even in our grief because of our uniqueness.

In order to have truth and joy in our lives, we must not allow comparison to rule our thoughts.

1 Corinthians 4:7

When we compare ourselves to others, we are agreeing to the plans of the enemy for our lives. Comparison is the thief of Joy and the stretcher of Truth.

XOXO,