It has taken me a long time to understand I don’t have to have a fight with grief.

It can be a natural, daily process and part of my life. I don’t have to try to figure it out, “beat it” or allow it to consume me. I no longer fear the emotional roller coaster or try to understand it, I simply ride it. I don’t need to grasp for answers and continue looking for the reasons why. I no longer feel like I need to explain myself.

I said at the beginning of this journey that I believe God has a plan. 

Believing it and accepting it are two different things. 

Believing it simply means I know the truth of what I read in the Bible is real. There is no parable I can’t understand. There is nothing in there which isn’t applicable to my current life. I need to practically apply all these things and understand they are for my own good and to build my faith. 

It is not a hard choice to follow the rules and requirements set for me by Jesus. It’s an easy to follow formula. And when I fail in the process, I am forgiven and I try again. I’m not expected to be perfect or to follow every rule with absolute perfection. 

Eventually, I must learn to accept these things as truth and this is the hard part.

Like everything, God has a plan and when I don’t understand I have to accept his truths for what they are. My earthly father is no longer here-his work is finished. I don’t even know what that was, aside from being my dad and a teacher and husband and servant.  There are a lot of things I don’t know. I’m finding this to be true, but not a disappointment.

Accepting comes with its own challenges. Some days are harder than others. Recently most of my days are filled with good memories and honoring dads life with my own. I want to be a reflection of his faith, too. He was deeply spiritual. He came to terms with dying much sooner than I came to terms with losing him. When I reflect on that night, I realize how peaceful he was.

Full of peace. He knew what was coming, and how can I be upset with that? 

He knew because he obeyed. He was grateful and graceful. He had time to have a complete understanding of his future- eternity with Jesus.

I have come to the conclusion if I say I believe God has a plan which revolves around salvation for me, (and others) and I believe scripture fully, then I need to do everything in my power to live it.

I need to Love fiercely.

I need to Love unconditionally.

I need to Love always.

I need to Love first.

While in the midst of my grief journey, I have learned these things aren’t as hard to do as we make them out to be. Let me give an example. 

Loving people we disagree with is the biggest example because it is so prominent.

This applies to:

•  our neighbors and our politicians.
•  those who have different lifestyles than we do.
•  those who like to take a stand for their belief.
•  those who dislike our faith.
•  those who do not understand our faith.
• those who are overwhelmed.
• those who are struggling with mental illness.
• those who are simply quiet and non-expressive.

Everyone is someone’s neighbor, and we are expected to love them all, regardless of our differences. 

This was something I learned when I was hard to love. Don’t be alarmed, I know I make it hard for people. It has been a journey for me and I am still working on it. I won’t ask for anyone to raise their hand, but you know it’s true for all of us. In the pit of my darkest grief days, I was impossible. However. 

A few people stuck by my side. Very few, but they are still here and I am beyond grateful. This is why the expectations of Jesus are so important. 

My dad understood it, and he had peace transitioning from earth to heaven. Therefore, I have peace about his death. I still miss him fiercely, but I understand love in a greater capacity now. The importance of loving unconditionally, fiercely, always and first all culminated in a moment of epiphany. Dad knew it and taught it to me my entire life. When he died, the expectation was for me to continue his legacy of unconditional, fierce, always and first. 

This is why I no longer fight with my grief. It is, like I said before, simply a rollercoaster I am riding. It is a part of my life. If I didn’t love fiercely, unconditionally, always and first, I wouldn’t grieve so hard. I know part of the purpose for my grief journey has been to remind me of these truths and Jesus’ expectation of me.

If I am preparing myself for crossing over into heaven someday, then my focus on love is only the beginning. But I believe the most important part.

XOXO