Fighting Anxiety & People

The week was weird.

I mean, I was feeling overpeopled. And those people who sent me to this place did not respect the boundary I had set and were not hearing my words when I spoke.

Ever meet people like this? It’s hard.

This week I had a person who does not know me on any level crossing my boundary. She came into my personal space with rapid-fire questions, and it was hard.

She asked me “Are you ok?’, “What can I do?”, “Is there anything you need?” and “Can I get a hi-five?”.

In rapid-fire, with no spaces in between and in a very overwhelming, leaning over my desk sort of way.

I was already anxious.

 I was already borderline panic attack. I was already exhausted fighting my emotions and my inner critic. I was not prepared to deal with an overbearing person who asked me many questions and didn’t wait for any answers. I was not prepared for someone to unlock my door and walk in without checking to see if it was ok.

This happened three times with the same person in the span of twenty-four hours, at work.

At first, I said my usual “I am fine, It’s personal. I am not talking about it. I need my space.”

These are the exact things I have taught my students to say when they are overwhelmed by someone in a situation which makes them feel anxious.  It didn’t work with this person, because two more times she came back to me, overwhelming me and making my personal space seem small and insignificant.

The second time I avoided her. She didn’t listen the first time, so why bother? It didn’t work.

They say third times a charm. It wasn’t. It was awkward and somehow, even though I am not wrong to advocate for my own personal space, I felt like I did something wrong.

She hit me with the barrage of questions again. She then stated, “I see you are stuffing your feelings, and then people explode so I just…”

I didn’t allow her to finish.

She had crossed the last line the last time.

I looked her straight in the eye and I said, “My situation is personal. I have told you multiple times to stop asking me about it. I do not need you to analyze me. I do not want you to ask me anymore. I do not want to talk to you about this. I don’t know you. This conversation is over.”

Then I retreated to the womens’ bathroom to cry because I felt so mean.

I hate confrontation. But I hate being made to feel like I am doing something wrong because I have anxiety and sometimes it is a struggle to function. I also really dislike when someone thinks they can ”fix” me. It is not a healthy way to start a relationship with someone, whether personal or professional. 

You must have a certain level of trust in your workspace. You also must have a certain amount of respect for the people you work with. It’s hard to do that when someone is consistently overstepping.

The positive side of this experience?

I realized I have a great team of people who support me. I have a few who recognize the anxiety and struggle in me far before I do most days. They check-in, but they don’t push. They say, “I am right here.” And they mean it. They hear my words and give me space when I need it. They tap me out when I need to be, and they stand by to support me when I need that too.

If you are on the struggle bus or need support with anxiety, don’t hesitate to ask.

If you need to have a script for those days when you are overwhelmed, write one.

If you need to walk away from someone, walk away.

If you need to shut a conversation down, shut it down.

Self-preservation is not selfish. Self-care is not selfish. Self-advocacy is not selfish.

It’s your life we are talking about. You need to be able to live it.

XOXO,