Friendship is Perfect…Because it Isn’t

“A friend loves at all times”

I guess therein lies the question- what happens when a friend doesn’t love at all times?

I couldn’t believe it when I looked back over the past year. I never would have listened if someone had said to me any of this would happen. Not in a million years. Not for all the gold in all the world. It was such a lonely feeling, realizing the severety of the wounds I had acquired. I had been so busy I barely even noticed what was missing. With my dad being sick, my adult kids and their families, my two teenagers at home , my work , my writing, my life- I guess God knew what He was doing keeping me so busy. He was protecting me from my feelings, my grief and ultimately myself. The Creator of the Universe was looking out for me, waiting to tell me something important until He knew I could handle it.

Our friendship was probably over.  I am not even sure I can continue typing, as I feel quite sick to my stomach even writing this. I cannot even begin to express the amount of grief a lost friend like this one has offered me. Tons of grief, in fact. Tons of missed opportunities, tons of missed accountability, tons of missed coffe dates, conversations, prayers and tons of love. All lost. All gone in a flash that I have been struggling to push down, just for a while, I thought. Just until I can be strong enough to do, well, to do something. I covered up my hurt. I smiled. I hugged. I reached out for menial reasons. I gave opportunity, yet was never invited to have the conversation that fixes things. Was never offered forgiveness or explanation. Just, well, nothing. That is why I noticed. It takes my breath away. My dad is really sick, and the differences between us were too large to be put aside to even express sympathy, sorrow or prayer over it. He is my only dad. I only get one. My friend never said a word. The silence is deafening.

Friendships are hard with all the factors that go into having a relationship with another person. The different ways to do things, to think. Education levels, habits, marraiges and kids. Expertise, careers, clothing style and ethics. Morality, sacrifice, love and compassion.  But most of all, for me, friendship is about just being accepted, being held accountable sweetly and being loved unconditionally. Its about coming to the table together, regardless of differences, and being able to discuss what hurts us, what makes us most frail. It is about expressing our doubts in our lives, what drives us and what holds us back. Its about brainstorming to solve someone else’s problem, and getting help with your own. Its about spending enough time with a person that you understand them, their intent and their dreams. To know another persons heart, and to be able to forgive when they break yours unknowingly.

I feel this scripture is such a basis for the friendships I have forged. I believe loving at all times means…at all times. I screw up sometimes, as do my friends. I am  a human being. So are my friends. We hurt each other unintentionally. We apologize, we forgive we love and we get on with it. There are just so many things, it is too much to hold onto grudges and unforgiveness. It is too hard to be unforgiven for too long. You can lose yourself in the sheer disappointment. Friendship is perfect- because it isn’t. My friends allow me to be me, and are accepting of my flaws.  I am just a sinner, saved by His grace and mercy. The rest is just a reflection of what He expects me to be.

I pray over my friendships today, as I remember what was, and what could have been. I pray for forgiveness in all of our hearts. I don’t want to be hurt or angry or lost to the idea of reconcilitation. Women are too hard on each other already, and I don’t want to be that kind of woman. I want the reason I had this realization to be a catalyst for me working harder to make the rest of my friendships awesome, and worth the effort for those I love. I want to be able to look past all differences to reach out when my friend is hurting, lonley and scared. I want to be there to pray with her when she is in a dark place with illness or family. I want to hold her hand when she needs it held, and to lift her up when she is down. I want to forgive and ask for forgiveness easily, because I can call her my friend. And I expect the same in return, because I can call her my friend. I want to model my friendships after Jesus, and the way He handled His.

I realize there is a perfect time for some things, that includes beginnings and endings. God is provisional, and where some wounds are left as scars on your heart, He provides healing and a new path. I wasn’t looking for a new path, I was hoping to re-blaze the old one. God had a different plan, and it is my job to recognize and move forward. I will never stop trusting God to lead me to people who want to be close and yet different. I will always be grateful for what has been, and looking forward to what is to come.

God is good that way. And He is my forever friend.