Grief 101

This is how grief works.

It comes in a multitude of ways, twisting and turning like a road in the mountains you have never been on. It winds up and down, from side to side. Sometimes it is vertical. Other times lateral with little to no progress. On occasion, it simply stands still like a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle.

The only way to come out the other side is to walk through. There are no short cuts, there are no quick solutions. Grief is unlike any other experience in your life. It requires work and rest, the gnashing of teeth and the quiet of meditation. There is no road that leads back to how things were before because things will never be the same again.

Grief looks different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way to proceed. Only the best way you know how. And when you forget to move forward it’s ok because tomorrow is another day. When you have a moment where it strikes you hard and emotions are reeling, it’s alright to go with it. Tears, anger, and sorrow are just as much a part of grief as memories, laughter and relishing in past experiences.

Joy can be found in the midst of grieving. It is possible to open up an entirely new world of discovery which is good for you, by allowing your own grief cycle to continue working. You don’t have to get stuck. You don’t have to wait until “it gets better”. You can move forward and still live while grieving.

There are a lot of things to consider but they are all different for each of us.  Maybe quiet time or significant noise is part of your life. How you handle each day will be up to you. There are resources for healing and the information is endless.

When grieving you may feel depressed or down. This is normal, too. There are dark places our grief can carry us- asking for help to handle them is important. Knowing you are not alone is important too. Grief counselors can make suggestions or simply listen to you vent. Finding a friend who has been through this process can be extremely helpful. There is no comparing, only commiserating which is sometimes exactly what you need. For someone to understand the sheer depth of your grief is astonishing therapy.

Relationships may not look the same during this time. It is ok to take some time for yourself. There is a certain threshold for people when in the pit of grief. Not everyone’s threshold is the same. Like everything else, your perspective is different. Your outlook on the importance of solid foundational relationships may change. Understanding your fresh expectations of others is a new chapter.

 The things you discover about yourself may surprise you. You may want to live a fuller, more intentional life. Or maybe you simply want to sit on the porch swing and slow down a bit. Either way, the choice is always going to be yours. There isn’t anyone who can change your reasons for grieving. But there are those who are willing to go along for the ride and hold you up when you need to be held. Your need and willingness to reach out will depend on you.

XOXO