There was a time not very long ago when I had zero trouble writing a blog post. I would sit down and start typing. The words would flow and the raw emotion seeped through the page. When people read what I had to say, they could feel my heart beating.

Now I have been “refined” a bit. I worry about technique and what the CWM has to say. I pour over my words to make sure there are no mistakes in spelling or grammar. I check my word count. I cut important things due to theoretical and SEO restrictions. I am still not perfect, but I do edit more and catch my own mistakes. (mostly) (ok, sometimes)

Then I read my words and they seem to have lost their zing.

In all the formatting and “doing things right”, I have lost my personal touch. I have become worried about hurting peoples feelings with the truth. I have worked myself into a frenzy because a professional editor has mentioned all my downfalls to me but never said anything about the story. I have forgotten there are real people on the other side of this screen, and maybe they are reading this.

What I seem to be able to do? I managed to make categories, do my own header and link to scripture and books and relative places on the internet. I have learned how to do a few technical things. I can change colors, styles and schedule posts. I can make my own graphics. If I focus I can rebrand my page as my own. ( I did this last summer- what a hoot)

What I cannot seem to do?

Capture my actual feelings and thoughts, my inspiration with words. Why? Because all this technical stuff is in my way. All the people who say “Do this” and “Don’t do that” are replaying in my head.

My questions- Why can’t I? When did I become master of none of my words? When did I start listening to what people say when they don’t know me or have a vested interest in my writing? When did I start worrying what the “big publishing houses” have to say? When did I allow my worry over what others think of my skill level completely obliterate my process?

More importantly, why have I let people and their interjected opinions supercede the whispers of God in my heart?

Maybe my blog will fade away into nothing. Maybe these past 10 (?!) years have all been a dream I will forever chase. Maybe I will never be published, never have a big following or never write “good enough” for some of the technical nobody’s.

Or maybe God has a different plan all together.

Today I will claim my words as my own. I will not conform to some of the nonsensical standards pushed upon me because “someone said so.” I will create and I will share. This is my space, and I am reclaiming it.

If God wants my message to reach someone, it will. If he wants me to shut it all down, I will. If He determines I need to follow some rules, he will provide them in a way which is not harmful to me or his message.

I have always wanted to be a rebel on some level. As a Christian woman, I guess I always have been in this world. But instead of this fight coming within myself, I choose to let it go and return to the writer I once was.

Carefree. Truthful. Weepy. Grieving. Hysterical. Serious. Funny. Alive.

My niche is me.

And it is time I shared her with you.

XOXO