I know Who I am
I saw the upstairs of my house for the first time in almost 2 weeks. It was a huge relief to know the mess I created before my knee surgery is still there, waiting for me to recover so I can finish what I started.
I also had the best night’s sleep since before the surgery. Something about being in my own bed, snuggled up to my spouse, on soft sheets, and in the quiet of my own house that brings me rest.
It’s not lost on me the struggles people have when they encounter a physical ailment that incapacitates them. I’ve had to learn how to do a lot of things while hobbling around on crutches. For the most part, I have been on my own.
I’ve also had to learn my limits and adjust, plan well and learn to do without on occasion. It’s been a real humbling experience, and I am grateful for the abrupt need to slow down a bit (ok, a lot) and have some downtime of being still and leaning into the comfort of catching my breath.
I’ve also had some time to reflect on a few things.
During this time of recovery, I had moments of real struggle, from the mental health side. I’d have a few minutes when I couldn’t physically get comfortable. I’d struggle to move my body until the ache would subside. But the attitude stuck with me a few times and I had some moments of loneliness.
These were growing moments. I know what my tools are when I start to feel lonely, emotional and even abandoned. I have scripture and prayer as my number one and number two recovery tools. I have Bibles placed where I can reference them.
I’ve turned them into works of art, journaling and studying from them like they are my lifeline. Because they are my lifeline. I mean this in a very real, literal sense.
There is nothing in this world that can overcome the emotional and spiritual war inside my head like the word of God and the blood of Jesus.
There is nothing I cannot handle because I know I am not alone. I don’t have to depend on quick fixes to alleviate the mental games the deceiver likes to play with me, because my faith makes me his target.
I don’t have to sit and dwell on other people’s actions, inaction, or words without knowing who I am or what I stand for is going to end in a way better outcome for me by following the narrow path I have chosen.
I don’t have to make things complicated. I don’t have to live in fear. I know there is a plan for me here and beyond which replaces and trumps the need for every other plan I may have (or others may have for me).
In the weakest moments over the last two weeks, I have learned who I am in a deeper, more meaningful way. If I am going to be completely honest, I have also learned about who I am not.
I am the daughter of the Creator of the Universe. I am the wife of my husband, his best friend, and soulmate. I am the mother to the 4+ and Mimi to the 7. I am a friend to those who would honor me with such a title, and I am acquainted with all others.
I am not easily swayed, influenced, or convinced. I am not worldly or conceited. I am not proud or looking for accomplishment.
I am just me, Angie.
I am His and He is mine, and nothing else matters. And one day I will be complete. Until that day comes, I will continue to make the best decisions I am able to make, based on the guidance of the One who knows me best and the tools I’ve been given.
Regardless of injury. Regardless of other people. Regardless of emotion. Regardless of temptation.
XOXO,
