Christ Alone, Cornerstone
Isn’t this a breath of fresh air?
It should be because we know he is coming for us. This is my everything, all I need somedays. It’s a good thing too because sometimes it’s all I have both to give and receive.
A few years ago, we woke up one morning and dreaded heading to church. This is not like us at all. I had been a member of the same church since I was in the third grade. We were married there. Our kids were all baptized there. Over thirty years of combined experiences. My parents were in leadership, my husband and I were in leadership and our children were raised there. We had a lot of investment. These people were our family.
Until they weren’t.
When you pray for patience, God sends you something incredibly hard to learn it. I prayed for spiritual revelation within myself. I knew Jesus, but I didn’t know him. I realized during some serious spiritual awakenings, my church was full of people I didn’t know anymore. Everyone was so caught up in “doing their thing”, there wasn’t a lot of room for Jesus.
Suddenly I felt “homeless”.
We were told via text message by an elder there “isn’t anything here for you anymore”. It was stunning and surreal. It was hurtful and awful. We were put into a position where we had to either go along with the status quo or take a stand not only for ourselves but for Jesus.
When we took that stand, more than half of them didn’t even notice. It felt impossible. We never thought in a million years some of our closest Christian friends would bail on our family. We never saw this coming. We were on our own.
The hardest part about the entire scenario? We ended up being right and it was nothing to celebrate.
One of the biggest issues was accountability. Some people were being told they couldn’t serve, teach or lead because their “sin” was too public, out in the open. Not everyone- just a few.
It looked like persecution on a whole different scale. It felt uncomfortable and inconsistent. It was not like anything we had ever witnessed. We both felt the Holy Spirit move us to a point of restlessness. We knew after this experience it was time to leave.
In the grand scheme of things, our decisions were made prayerfully and we considered all the factors. We finally realized this was God designed. We were moving forward with our spiritual lives and needed more than our church was offering.
Looking back at relationships lost and people we miss, it has been a long road. There have been times I needed some of those people, but because we left they simply weren’t available to me anymore. I have mourned the deaths of old friends and watched some of the kids grow into amazing adults, but all from a distance.
I guess my point is this- be ready for God to step in and awe you with his power, grace, and mercy.
Be prepared when you get a lesson in humility and humanity, sometimes wrapped up into one not-so-neat package. Be sure when you belong to a church, you actually belong to Christ himself. You don’t serve people, you serve Jesus. And when the Holy Spirit whispers restlessness to your heart, follow it. He knows what he is doing.
XOXO
Dirt: Removing Hypocrisy
There are things we each do which are a hidden sin. We lie, cheat, maybe even steal. We speed, leave work early and shrug our shoulders when we could do something, but choose not to. There are many ways we sin. There are multiple ways we deceive one another into thinking we don’t. We like an appearance of perfection. Our social media posts are edited. Our family troubles are hidden away. We say we are “fine.” We have it all together. We take the time to make sure people don’t know our dirt.
The problem is, we all have it.
Dirt is something we can sometimes cover up. We manipulate the appearance of dysfunction. We polish the truth and adjust our “perspective” to make way for the ease of conscience. There are things we justify, conceal and close our eyes to. We do not want anyone to know about our dirt. No matter how dirty or barely dusty, we should be ashamed of our sin against God.
So, what happens when one sinner calls out another sinner in the church?
What happens when a man thinks he is more righteous than another?
How do we justify weighing one person’s sin when we have our own to account to?
Regardless of what we think, there was only one perfect man. And in his perfect wisdom, he instructed us to not weigh one sin over another. He gave every person in his ministry an opportunity to serve his purpose. He told them what to do time and time again. He showed them how to do it. He gave them a chance to make their life right in their own time. He made it clear he wouldn’t wait forever, yet he gave them an open door when he left to follow him.
The door has never closed.
It remains open for all sinners of every kind. There is no degree of sin which outweighs others. Sure, as humans we see things held to a different standard, but as the church on the promise of Gods law, every sin is simply that- a sin. They each weigh the same. More importantly-they each require the same path to redemption.
Jesus didn’t call out sinners in public. (mostly- he had moments) He had quiet, private conversations with individuals based on their own life. He approached them with humility and love. He was not reproachful or condemning. He never told them they couldn’t serve him while in the process of redemption. We are supposed to behave as he did.
When Jesus spoke to the rich ruler, he asked him to give it all away and come follow him. It was his choice, yet the invitation stood after Jesus moved forward. {Luke 18:18-29}
When He spoke to the woman at the well, he offered her living water- regardless then in place of her sin. She was redeemable, and she had to decide after he left. {John 4:4-24}
When Jesus spoke to the Pharisees and some Jews about his position and their lack of understanding, they were confused. It went against what they had built their beliefs on. They often chose which “sins” were worthy of accountability or not. This is not how redemption from sin is supposed to work. This is no man’s job- it is the responsibility of Jesus himself. {John 8:12-20}
When the church decides to hold a person accountable for a specific sin, we fail to realize how much like the Pharisees we appear. This is the reason we are called hypocrites. This is why the world fails to see us as Jesus did. We all too often do not apply the written word into our daily lives as leaders. Then we try to hold one another accountable to an impossible sin-free standard.
- If a man who has been divorced and remarried, should he not serve as a leader?
- If a woman who had an abortion at a young age attends, should she not teach Sunday school?
- If a young person isn’t married yet lives with their significant other, are they not worthy to worship?
- If a person has {insert any sin here} are they not redeemable through Jesus?
If all these things are true, then what are we doing church?
Why are we determining who gets to worship, serve, love and be redeemable?
This is not our job. Our future is at stake here.
Allowing someone access to Jesus in your church is not the same thing as condoning their behavior.
Providing them the opportunity for conviction and for the Holy Spirit to do his work is our top priority. When you witness the work of God firsthand through the life of a loved one, it is inspiring and beautiful. Redemption is work, and the outcome is divine.
If our people are not in our worship service intentionally serving and hearing from the Holy Spirit, it is our fault, when we condemn their choices instead of allowing them space and time to change.
We send the message our sin isn’t as bad as theirs.
Romans 3:22-24 (NIV)
22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
XOXO
Shagbark Hickory
The shagbark hickory stands on one side of our property all on its own. It is close enough to the road to cast a shadow, yet far enough away that we must mow in between. Its branches spread wide and tall. The bark peels and has the appearance of jagged wood, dry and curled on the ends.
The leaves begin as these little green buds, and turn into large, beautiful leaves, full and providing shade. The fruit of this tree begins to form long before it is visible. It starts out as a small bud and turns into a hard hickory nut. It draws in deer, squirrels and other small animals storing up for winter.
This beast of magnificence amazes me. When it begins to turn in the fall, it changes color in a couple days. I leave for work one morning and the leaves are green. A couple days later they have turned completely yellow and orange, crispy and crunchy when they begin to fall. Inside the tree, it is preparing for a long cold winter. It stores up sugar and energy, preparing for the spring bloom.
Once the leaves fall and the tree looks empty, you can see all its branches. It is so full and thick, and beautiful against the sky. It has crooked branches which taper down to their tips. Some dried hickory nuts hang there, with a couple leaves here and there. The bark holds tight to the tree. It looks as though it has been through some things in its life.
I am unsure of all its secrets, but I know it must have some. I know it has seen storms, smooth summer days and starry spring nights. I know this tree has stood for at least 50 years, maybe longer. It has seen a lot of things on this country road.
This tree has watched over our family for over 13 years. We moved here with 4 children- now we have 4 adult kids with spouses and significant others and cars and kids of their own! I wonder what the tree thinks?
I wonder if it whispers on the wind about the memories it has. I sit and look at its branches, looking like a mother with arms outstretched, welcoming everyone home again. I see its protective shade in the hot summer sun. I see its fruit feed the wildlife. I enjoy watching it respond to wind and rain, swaying in the air like a choir ready to burst out in song and dance.
It reflects the sun and collects the snowflakes. It holds steady in the wind and allows a place to rest in the sun. This tree is an amazing creation. It starts from a small seed and grows to a masterpiece. It stands so majestic I can see it from miles away and know I am almost home.
Much like the shagbark hickory, I have spent the majority of my life protecting ang guiding others. There have been times I have withstood storms. As a believer, wife and mother, I have sheltered those I love. There have always been outstretched arms to protect them and a place to lean on when they need it most.
The lessons learned from this giant have been priceless. I enjoy having it by the house. I love seeing it as a landmark for our home. Knowing it is here when I arrive is a priceless gift. I hope when my kids come home they see it and know they have arrived too.
xoxo
The Servant Spouse
You might be a servnt spouse and it’s gonna be ok. I actually have good news and bad news.
The good news is YAY! You’re serving in your church in some capacity and this is awesome. Give yourself a pat on the back for stepping up, stepping out or getting roped in, whichever suits your circumstance.
You are not alone! Lots of people serve in various capacities in their church. If you lead a Sunday school class, you probably serve communion or work in the kitchen. If you’re on the worship team you are probably helping with projects and work days. If you are handy you most likely get called when something needs a repair. Rarely do people serve in a single capacity in their church.
Now for the bad news and a reality check- do you serve with joy?
Do you have a servants heart or are you serving under the umbrella “someone has to do it”?
Are there multiple ways you serve which are becoming overwhelming?
Are you finding yourself juggling home schedules because you are inundated with responsibilities at church?
Have you become the yes man or woman, the go-to when they “need someone”?
Are your volunteering and serving taking so much time away from your family you forgot your spouses birthday or other important events?
This is where the rubber meets the road. This is when you must sit down and re-evaluate.
First- let me assure you- I live to serve. Sometimes the way I serve is quiet and “unnoticeable”, but I love doing it. I find great joy and spiritual fulfillment in doing things which serve my church. But I also have learned to say no.
I have learned the hard way how to keep from overwhelming myself and my family. I want to encourage you to keep serving, but make sure all the things you are doing line up with Gods plan for you. Yes, sometimes those things are out of your comfort zone- he does that on purpose to grow us. But sometimes those things are pulling us away from the things we are supposed to be doing.
If you are simply unhappy about where you are serving you need to pray- a lot. Maybe the Holy Spirit is laying something on you and you need to listen.
If you feel disgruntled or are grudgingly serving, you may need a time out and attitude check.
Sometimes the problem is deep seeded within us and doesn’t really have anything to do with others or the job we are doing. Sometimes others can help us work through, but we may need God alone to work it out.
If you feel over-scheduled or find you are missing life with your family, maybe it is time to tone it back a bit. Doing one or two things really well is much better than doing many half way. It serves no one if someone has to come behind you and finish what you have started, at home or at church.
If God needs a job done and you feel you are being led to walk away then walk away- He will find someone else. If it does not fulfill a need for His purpose, it can fade away and no one will miss it. This is a strong statement, but true.
Maybe you serve in a capacity which you don’t really understand. Recently I observed a serving situation which is frustrating to some.
There is a church lady who organizes the hospitality list. Instead of attending the service, she steps out into the foyer with the people who are scheduled to serve and stays there all morning. She even has her own bar stool at the welcome center. I am unsure why there is a list of hostesses if she is going to micromanage their job from her stool. What purpose does it serve to have multiple people doing the same thing?
What if she left her barstool and came into the service on Sunday? (GASP)
Would anyone notice her absence? What if the hostess and ushers came into the service after it starts? They aren’t exactly missing throngs of people stampeding the door down. What if the guy who organizes communion- allowed the guys serving do their job and came into the service too? He also sits in the foyer the entire morning.
Are these traditions and habits which do not line up with what God has planned for us?
Are the commitments we make to trivial things more important than the commands Jesus expects us to follow?
What if we are doing something because we have “always done it”, even though it makes no sense to continue?
What if that is the job YOU are doing?
In scripture, Jesus addressed serving in a very big way.
Luke 10:38-42 says:
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I think of this scripture every time I see someone missing out on whatever we are doing instead of participating for the sake of “What if?”
What if…
*someone comes through the door?
*a hostess or usher has to use the restroom?
* there is a crisis?
Reality- so what?
Someone will see and talk to the person running a few minutes late. If the assigned person steps away for a moment, it is not the end of the world. How much actual crisis happens on Sunday morning in the building between 830-11?
The reality is we all need to pull together and serve somewhere. Jesus wants us to do it and this is how we grow. But we need to sort out the traditions which serve no purpose from the actual work God expects of us and begin to refocus on those things again. We need to make sure when we are serving we are doing it for God and not people. We need to make sure we have a servants heart, but not at the expense of our loved ones at home. We can avoid making a whole new generation of church widows and widowers if we simply pay attention.
XOXO
Left at Home
Are you familiar with the term “church widow?”
For those of you who know exactly what I am talking about, I am not sure if I should apologize or applaud. Allow me to explain to those who may be headed down this path, or to those who are church widows but haven’t realized it just yet.
Does your spouse spend so much time at your church doing things that you have considered a change of address form? When you look at your calendar, do most days consist of church events, activities or work days? Is your spouse in leadership on some level with consistent meetings which require at home planning and use of personal resources? (to clarify, I am not talking about ministers)
If you’re a church widow and feel left on your own due to the high demand of your spouse, take heart! This is not always a bad thing. Adjustments can be made so your relationship doesn’t suffer.
First, let’s be clear. If your spouse spends more time at the church or working on church things, and they aren’t a minister, then maybe you need to have a conversation. I’m talking about missing birthday parties and important family events. Don’t ever let the work the two of you do in the church become a circumstance or excuse for trouble in your relationship. God’s plan for your life is not to throw it into a tailspin so your spouse can fix things, teach things and do random things at the church while your household suffers.
He wants your household in order first. {1 Timothy 3:12} {1 Timothy 5:8} While these verses have been used for years to guide leaders, they are applicable to everyone.
I will also caution you- before you have this conversation make sure the problem is the schedule and time and real-life events, not your own jealous heart.
As a woman, I crave time with my husband. He also craves time with me. We are careful to keep a balance and carve out the time for our own relationships with Christ, our marriage and our family. When things get really busy, we are really good at blaming those things instead of being accountable for our own selfish wants. Having him serve in his current capacity is a change for us. I have learned to share. I pray I don’t interfere with his ministry due to my selfish wants. I love having a Godly husband. I am proud of him for serving, but it isn’t always easy.
I have seen more than one marriage get rocky because one spouse was not involved in service ministry and the other was deeply involved. Serving should not be a catalyst for problems when both are believers. There must be balance and understanding. Sometimes serving looks like tooling around with the minister or sitting at the coffee shop with a co-leader. Being on the worship team requires rehearsals, early arrivals on Sunday and occasionally flying by the seat of your pants. Being part of the workday life group means a Saturday commitment once a month. Anytime spent in ministry is serving, no matter how small. We need to recognize these small acts may be very big in God’s plan.
We also need to understand our spouse may be called differently than we are, and it is ok.
We are all created equal, but different. Your spouse may be leading people to Christ with the work accomplished, even when it feels as if there was nothing meaningful done at all. Being supportive and praying for their ministry is the best possible scenario. Communicating your concerns is important, too. Marriage is 100% x 100% and both of you need to agree and understand this.
If you are struggling with being a “church widow” have the conversation. Find out what the purpose of the time spent serving is. With better understanding, God will put your heart and mind at ease. If there is a valid issue, then he will help you and your spouse find a solution. Maybe you will find an unexpected place to serve as well.
Join me next week when we talk about the other side of this issue- The Servant Spouse.
XOXO
Sometimes I Forget You Have a Plan.
Sometimes I forget you have a plan. I decide to panic and figure things out on my own, when it is much easier to simply let you do it all and follow along. The still small voice inside me screams. I need to wake up- pay attention. There are things I am supposed to be doing. The fear I let get a hold of me has left me tired and confused. I know I am your child. I know you have everything under control. I know it is all in your time.
I also know I am human. I have patterns from the past. They creep in when I feel a little lost because I took my eyes off you. They try to move me into a direction which is opposite of where I know I need to be. My heart beats hard and my stomach turns with anxiety, a by product of switching my gaze from you to my circumstance.
I breath in and let it out but it doesn’t all escape. A cleansing breath only brings relief when I don’t over-think its purpose. I try again. Tears build up in my eyes as I realize all is not lost- I simply need a moment to let you gather me instead of trying to gather myself.
I make sure to reach out to my person. He has been waiting for me to speak up. He has things to say which are truth and I need to hear them. He gives me sound direction and then points me back to you. He says he knew the instant I was in trouble. The minute I got shaky and fearful. He suggests I follow through with my plan. I agree because really there is no where else to turn. You are it. My plan is to seek your plan.
I re-route my heart and mind to focus on you again. I need to be filled up so I can empty out for you. I will finish my war room this week. I pray for peace where work is concerned. I ask for not only forgiveness for getting lost, but for humility to proceed forward. It isn’t my work which needs to be done- it is yours. If I am to do it I want credit to fall on you.
In my mind I clear out all the things I have been worried about. I turn them over to you because I clearly cannot handle them. My soul wasn’t created to handle humanity alone. I am part of my Father and He is part of me. I make the adjustment in my thinking to allow you to handle all the things, big and small. It gives me peace as a wave of relief washes over me. I breath in deeply then exhale-fully. A cleansing breath to push out all those last thoughts and fears. All remaining insecurities fall to the side.
I hear you whisper to my heart. I am not recovered fully, but rest in you will provide that. There is a plan, and I am part of it. I need to be ready for whatever you send to me next. I need a recharge and reboot. Thank you Lord for giving your servant exactly what she needed most.
A reminder of your justice, mercy and grace.
Xoxo
Lateral Grief
This morning I was driving to work reflecting on the past two years. Weird it’s been two years. It seems like five minutes some days; others an eternity. When in the pit of grief the only way to go isn’t up- sometimes it is sideways. Moving laterally is common. It feels like a mundane routine, swiftly or slowly moving but getting nowhere. Before you know it days, weeks, even months have passed and you are feeling no closer to recovering than the very first day.
So how do we move from lateral movement and healing to something a bit more vertical?
What works for some of us may not work for everyone. We have different personalities. Our loss is unique to us as individuals. We have different obligations and other life things we must work around while in this process. When we are ready, maybe we can make a list.
If you have read my blog for any amount of time you may already know I love the value of a well made (or not so well made) list. It gives me purpose and a goal when I am most distracted. I have a master list in my planner then multiple lists for the days and weeks to come. My budget is in the form of a list. My daily chores are sometimes in list form so I don’t get caught up on a project I discover along the way.
By creating a list unique to my needs, I have been effectively changing my lateral healing into one of a vertical sense. It was almost like a sudden creative thought, to work on my grief from a list. I felt a little embarrassed because in normal circumstances I would have made a list right away. Grief is tricky this way. Normal things become relative I have learned.
The way I structured my list was simple- I put the most important things first. My health was at the top and included both mental and physical attributes. Emotionally, I know I struggle. I wrote down solutions I know work for me and made sure I had the opportunity to view this page every day. I understand myself enough to know what will work and what will not. I lean heavy on my instincts while referring to my list to keep myself on track. I also have an accountability person.
My husband is my natural choice for accountability. He lives in my house. He is the person I see the most. He is not afraid to tell me when my attitude stinks or my hair is a mess or my outfit is unacceptable. His ability to be honest and genuinely wanting what’s best for me makes him the obvious choice.
I must have an accountability person who won’t tell me what I want to hear, but what I must hear to move forward.
Some days on my journey I add things I hadn’t thought of before. Just like most things in life, I have no control over how fast or slow I proceed. There are a lot of factors and I work more at rolling with the punches than anything else. I have some semblance of a plan for how I respond when things get tough. I have the notion to pause when caught off guard. I have scripture to support me when I feel lonely or frustrated.
Some things I have learned.
Grief is a process we cannot fit in a box. It cannot be “solved” with a twelve step program because the steps are endless. I cannot offer my list for someone else because our journeys are not the same. But I can offer hope, encouragement and come alongside others when they are in the midst of their journey.
If you are grieving please know I am sorry, and I do love you. Your journey matters because it is yours. You don’t have to embrace it like an old friend. You aren’t doing this wrong, you are simply doing it. There are resources available for those who are grieving, but mostly having someone to commiserate with is a big deal. If you haven’t found that person, you have found me. I will sit in the gutter with you as long as you like. I will listen to your story and hold your hand, even if only virtually.
I understand that I don’t have to understand to be helpful.
I simply need to listen and love you.
XOXO
More Than A Dash
A headstone is an earthly reminder of life.
The dash which represents years of life filled with stories and adventures, heartaches and dreams has a lot to live up to. It’s a small engraving, a dash. It holds all of our secrets, maybe even a few we never shared with anyone. It’s a big responsibility to be the keeper of such information. It’s a place on a headstone between the day you were born and the day you die. It makes us wonder.
How do I live my dash?
Is Jesus involved?
How will people know?
This leads me to think my dash actually needs to be a cross. After all, a cross tells a more complete story. A dash says nothing. It cannot speak to my life lived, but a cross represents the most important parts. There is no better replacement for my dash than the story the cross tells.
It tells all the world my best life was lived by the script of one divine heritage. It is a simple story of love, forgiveness
The cross doesn’t erase all the things from our former life; it covers them.
It provides the only available bridge from sin to forgiveness. It offers hope for those we leave behind. It gifts peace to those who mourn. The cross in place of a dash is an accessory to our already amazing life story carved out on a rock in the place we are laid to rest..
Our family, adventures, successes, failures and disappointments are still all there, part of our history. The career we had, the hobbies we poured into and the friends we loved are all still part of our legacy. Our story doesn’t go away or change. It simply gets covered with grace and mercy. Because we choose these things, the cross stands for all of it.
So the question becomes- when our time comes, do we place a cross in place of a dash?
Do we allow our faith to live on as a legacy of hope for future generations?
I think it is a good plan to be represented by more than a dash.
XOXO
