Shout Out to Community
In April, I traveled to Texas for a writing retreat.
I wrote my heart out leaving pieces of myself on the screen. Something people don’t understand or realize about a writer- on occasion you must spread your wings and fly somewhere quiet. You must surround yourself with camaraderie and others who think like you do. Retreat and rest and progress go hand in hand. Allowing yourself the space to relish in others relatable struggle brings a sense of community not experienced at home.
Sometimes the Lesson You Prepare Isn’t the Lesson At All
It took me 120 days to finish. After countless hours, disappointments and prayer, I completed the last page of the curriculum for the women’s retreat. Five sections to cover in two days, with five women presenting the information. I was excited, but not nervous. I had presented and co-hosted a women’s retreat before, with these same women. I was ready to proceed with the weekend because I knew it would be a blessing.
**Let me change course for a second. Have you ever had a moment when you got comfortable with something- maybe too comfortable? Something which worked so well before, you decided to proceed and move forward regardless of any warning signs thrown in your path? I am the poster child for ignoring the Holy Spirit. I have a habit of setting myself up long before a disappointment. I’m all too familiar with the phrase rolling around inside my head “I told you so”. (I tell myself “so” all the time.)
Ahem.
Building an Outdoor Space as Marriage Therapy
This project took more planning than I am capable of.
It’s a good thing my husband is so awesome. We wanted to build a pergola behind our house for years. We did it this spring, and I love it. I couldn’t be happier. In addition to the structure, we added a twin sized swing. It provides a place for rest, hanging out and reflection. We also pepped up the surrounding garden space. It has been a work in progress for a long time. It’s nice to have a quiet space for relaxing and meditating.
I spend time out there writing, reflecting and resting. I also piddle around in the garden, changing things and adding new plants. I would love to encourage all of you- find yourself a space. Find a corner in the house, a garden space outdoors or the end of the dining room and make it yours.
Economically speaking, this structure was not expensive. We tried to keep it simple and functional. Where I spent money on pressure treated wood, I saved on purchasing plants on a budget. We wanted simple and unique, and we achieved it. Like other projects, we stayed within our budget.
The best part of building this is the love poured in. It was hot. The sun was blaring from the center of the sky. John was wearing a bandana around his head to keep the sweat from running into his eyes. He had to core drill concrete. He had to measure, cut and lift the beams. He built this with my assistance, but I was minimally physically involved.
When he finished all I could do was smile. It is awesome, and I love it. But mostly, I love him. Twenty-five years of projects have taught me a few things.
- Projects built in love last longer and mean more.
- Projects built together are amazing marriage therapy.
- Sometimes projects are built for one of us from the other.
- The gift of these projects is sweet and precious.
- Measure twice, cut once, mess it up, have your husband re-measure.
I hope by sharing these projects you will be inspired to do something together. Being intentional makes the journey sweeter. It is worth every minute and every penny.
What the Alamo Reminded Us
We stood amazed.
We were standing in front of The Alamo. We happened to be in San Antonio on the 300th anniversary. There were people buzzing all around like bees. They were preparing for a ceremony, but we were mostly unaware. Stunned at the history and reverence of this place, we didn’t expect to be so emotional.
We have visited other monuments and seemingly sacred spaces. But for some reason, this one struck me to the core. It was so fascinating and humbling at the same time. We read about the fight, the reasons for it and the end. We quietly stood and took it all in. It was all so old.
You can’t take pictures inside the church- it is considered a sacred place of sacrifice. There are no hats, no phones, and no loud voices. Truthfully, we didn’t even want to talk. Not a peep as we walked through looking at the stone walls and peeking into the rooms which were used for more than one Holy purpose.
Did you know the first purpose of this site was one of mission, conversion, and worship? Imagine your church building, the place where you worship freely, turned into a refuge in a time of war. Imagine the same ending- men, women, and children hunkered down yet still losing their lives, even inside its walls. Imagine realizing the purpose of the fight is the space you hold refuge in.
Some rooms in the church were considered holy – where the Holy Sacraments were stored. There were places only the clergy could enter. God and tradition were taken seriously. It was not a place for guns, violence or slaughter. Yet, this is what it became. We felt honored to be able to share the space with all those who had traveled here.
There was a curved row of plaques honoring the men who died inside the church. One of them was “________ John, A freed black man”. He died for their cause and they didn’t even know his whole name. The rest were listed by last name, first name, state of origin. His name was the most impactful, something we will never forget. You can read more here.
At the Alamo, there were deep-seeded beliefs in God, Family, and resistance throughout its history. It makes me think of our current circumstances. People have thrown God and providence to the wayside. Some think they have a cause and maybe they do. Today, there seems to be only resistance, but I cannot always figure out to what. There are causes for everything. There is much propaganda and information travels fast, even when its wrong. The question becomes, do you know why you fight?
The current environment makes very little progress with political agendas and divisions. However, every issue is important. We all want equal pay and equal treatment. Isn’t this what previous generations fought for during the Suffrage, Abolition and Equal Rights movements? Sometimes (not always) it feels like we are fighting for something which has already been won.
Instead of fighting, we should actually be doing something.
This is applicable to every world issue. There are relationships which need to be repaired in our society. Those things do not get repaired by adding to the noise. We need to stop screaming and fighting so hard. Instead, taking in the wonder of the sacrifices already made for us. Being at the Alamo reminded me of this truth.
Did you know the Alamo site was ultimately saved by a woman?
In the name of progress, the entire site was going to be sold and demolished. All of the history forgotten for big city planning. Clara Driscoll was a wealthy local woman who joined the fight to save the site from development. Clara, along with others, took action. They worked to preserve the history and sanctity of the Alamo. They were intentional in their own community. You can read the timeline here.
The intentional actions of this group of women saved a major piece of history. If it weren’t for their actions, all the stories of those who fought and died may be lost. We are reminded of our own intentional living. Our children, marriage, relationships, jobs, and God need us to do something instead of only talking about it. We feel the need to take action in our own little corner of the world.
Our Own Intentionality
Living with intention has been a challenge. We managed to put into words our core beliefs.
We have been adamant about living our actual lives instead of focusing on marching and screaming. Living intentionally allows us to support people in real time, solving day to day problems.
We have been quiet about politics- We believe they are necessary on some level, but we are not politicians. We exercise our right to vote and keep our thoughts private.
We have been without a public opinion on social issues. We keep those beliefs to ourselves because they are ours alone. We love people and their love for life, and since we don’t have the luxury (or burden) of making your decisions, we leave that up to you.
We are Bible-believing Christians. We believe Jesus walked the earth and gave himself up to save us all if we choose to accept him. We believe he set forth a list of rules which are not merely suggestions. We strive to live by those rules, but we adhere to the “Faith, Hope, Love” rule greatest of all.
We know what free will is. If we have the choice to decide about our lifestyle, so do you. It is not our position to choose for someone else, even if we believe differently.
In wrapping up, a couple of challenging questions to ponder:
- Do you know what you are fighting for and why?
- Is your determination and drive better served in your daily life?
- At the end of your life, when everything is coming to a close, what do you want your legacy to be?
We can answer all three questions.
~Yes, We know what we are fighting for.
~Yes, our determination is better served by doing things in our real life, not just talking about them.
~We want our legacy to be Jesus saying “well done.”
“No” Isn’t a Four Letter Word
The look on her face said it all. Her tone was disappointed.
“It’s ok, I really didn’t want you anyway, I just wanted your husband,” she said, then walked away.
It’s not that I didn’t want to serve at my church. I was trying to be more intentional by not spreading myself too thin. I didn’t want to commit to something I knew I couldn’t live up to. In my mind, by telling her no, I was doing her a favor. I was saving her the hassle of replacing me when I was absent.
She didn’t see it that way at all. It was very personal, getting the schedules done. It was her job, and she saw it as our responsibility to fill those spaces. I completely understand.
I remain guiltless.
I don’t have a problem telling people “No”. I make it a point to know what my schedule is, giving an honest answer as soon as possible. I will not leave my name in the “maybe” box if I don’t have to.
“No” is not a dirty word. It does carry a lot of weight, and sometimes can let our feelings be known in certain tones and context. It was hard to learn to say. Now I am an expert. It feels good to say “NO” and protect my time and commitments.
