The Truth About My 43rd Year.
**Every writer and reader I know is cringing about now. Sometimes, this is how I write. Word vomit, spilling out on the page in a rush of emotion and heartache. Confusion and uncertainty swirl in my head as I type words I don’t recognize. I’m sorry if this hurts to read this, for any reason, grief or editing.
The date is February 26, 2018. Tomorrow is my birthday. After tomorrow, I have officially done all the “firsts”, except the big one. This will be my first year without my dad. No funny card, no big hug and no “I love you Sis.” My birthday marks 26 hours from the “year mark” when he was whisked off to Heaven.
I can remember last years like it was yesterday. It feels as if it were, yet it doesn’t. Last year I forgot. I was reminded mid-afternoon by my sweet momma, who was hugging me so tight she was afraid to let go. We were at the foot of my sweet daddy’s hospital bed, set up in the living room of their brick farmhouse. The sun was trying to peek in the window. People were in and out all day. The hospice nurse sat at the dining room table. My life turned into a slow-motion marathon that day.
This was the day I realized what forever meant.
It was a cruel trick being played on all of us. We watched him suffer and recover, suffer and recover. In the end, I am convinced the treatment made him sicker than the cancer. My experience has been, there’s just no recovering from that, no matter who you are. Chemotherapy and radiation are no joke. They are serious treatments whose terms are flung around casually, like salt and pepper at the dinner table. I am left with more questions than answers, more sorrow and heartache than joy. It makes me positively sick.
I have a lot of thoughts swirling around inside my head. I cannot gather them enough to tell you this story adequately, but I can share these few random ones.
What if Candy Hearts Meant Something?
Love is a lot of things.
Mostly, love is a verb.
It’s an action which takes many forms.
Jesus didn’t love standing still. I can’t do it either.
When I think of love, it’s something someone does for others. It comes in big packages and small. Opening a door for a lady with her arms full, paying off a loan for a young couple and sending a thinking of you text to a friend are all examples.
My favorite love in action occurrences happens when they are least expected. They come from genuine servitude. It is a high honor for me to receive something like this from a friend. It’s an even higher honor to shower someone else with this type of blessing. Approaching the “Love Holiday”, I wonder about a couple things.
Bible Journaling Journey- Genesis 4
Genesis 4
The first family tree!
I was so excited when I realized this was legitimately the first family tree. There is something special about a family tree. It’s a good visual symbol of where you have come from and how unlimited the potential for growth is.
The further back we go in our genealogy, the more vast the branches expand. Just like a tree, families can be traced to roots. They go deep and we cannot grow without them. They contain leaves and sometimes nuts. Trees are a symbol of strength, endurance, and calm. They stand strong during storms, recover after long winters and bloom in the springtime to produce fresh air and lasting beauty.
