I Must Become Less
John 3:30
He must become greater, I must become less.
The words stung a little as I read them. I couldn’t believe this was the verse of the day. I’d heard it at least a dozen times in the past week, and quite frankly, I got the message loud and clear. Did I mention I wasn’t exactly thrilled?
Sometimes when I pray, I get exactly what I ask for. Getting what I asked for is not always a comfortable moment. It forces you to be accountable to yourself, through the Holy Spirit, and it can be eye opening. The moment I reach my “breaking point” and I actually reach for Jesus, because I know I am not enough. Not that I don’t think I can do things on my own. Oh, I really do try. Independence is a huge hurdle for me- I was raised to think on my own, make decisions and live with my own consequences. I was also taught to lean into the father, not some of the time, but all of the time.
Leaning in has great personal reward. It means stepping out on faith. I have left my comfort zone many times, and I have adjusted to living uncomfortably on occasion Turning things over to God and letting go of your control sounds great, but making it happen…whew. Exhausting at best. I have never had a problem once I actually let things go, but getting there is always a crazy journey. I know God has a plan, and in his plan is infinite timing that I do not understand. It’s ok, because I am not meant to.
When I decide to allow myself to be less, and allow Christ to be more, I can do everything he has planned for me. I choose to ask for this blessing, and I choose to accept it as it is given. I find myself alone once in awhile, and that is ok. I find myself spending more time with my heavenly father, more time tuning into the Holy Spirit. My comfort level grows as I flourish with these relationships, and I start to feel whole again.
I challenge you to pray for those difficult things in your life. Allow God to change your perspective, ultimately changing your life in ways you could only dream of on your own. Let go of some things, and find redemption in him.
Wildflower: A Movie and Give away!
Wildflower is a new psychological thriller which will keep you on the edge of your seat.
Audiences will be surprised at the twist, and just wait for the ending. This movie is all about hope, redemption and the ability to re-establish broken relationships. Trust and faith are things that can be re-built, when persistent.
The main character, Chloe, has a lot of things to work through. As she travels her journey in college, she is joined by someone else who has his own journey. His name is Josh, and their paths crossing is no mistake. Together they discover things about themselves that assist in their healing and moving forward in their lives.
This movie does not disappoint, but it is touching on a couple sensitive topics for victims of trauma. A small caution for parents of children, the topics are a bit adult for younger audiences. There is a depiction of violence and trauma for a shot period of time. There really isn’t any questionable language or nudity, which for me is wonderful. The ability to tell such an important story, and keep it clean is great. I feel this film could be used to help others working through trauma.
I personally enjoyed this film for its message and its build up of anticipation. I give it a full bucket of popcorn for sure.
I have a copy of Wildflower to give away!
To enter the give away you must do these three things:
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3-leave a comment
to view the trailer click here
WILDFLOWER will be available on DVD and VOD April 5th, 2016 and airing on Lifetime Movie Network in June.
Loving a Friend at all Times
Proverbs 17:17
“A friend loves at all times, and and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
A friend loves at all times.
I had a hard time believing this, as I drove down the street past her house. If this is what love in friendship feels like, then I don’t want to have any part of it anymore. I am a person who loves deeply, stands tall for you and holds you up, even when you have gotten yourself into a mess. I have never been the kind of friend who leaves you hanging in your best or worst moments. Not ever.
I was really hurting inside. I couldn’t understand someone who would just walk away, and never look back. No phone call. No explanation. No closure. I had nothing but an empty confusing space inside my heart, and I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of remorse. No one had died, but I felt like it. I was feeling pretty unloved. I had allowed myself to be fooled by someone that I knew was really good at getting close to people while maintaining a wall. I knew there was a huge self built protective barrier around her, and only a few people really knew what her life was like. I knew it was risky for her to share certain parts of her life with me on some levels. What I couldn’t figure out was the part that continues to baffle me- why did everything change so quickly?
After several months of wondering, worrying and trying to figure it out, I decided the lesson here for me was how to treat the people I love and respect. My friendships clearly mattered to me more than I ever mattered to her. I needed to be sure I never did this to anyone I loved. I cannot imagine causing this much pain and doubt to a person, especially not a person I call my friend. I set some new goals to include praying over the friendships I currently held, as well as for any I might establish in the future. I make sure to show my friends that I love them in my actions, by listening when they need to talk, and by being their friend.
The world around me provides much pressure to do many things. I am expected to behave in certain ways. I need to be sure I know what my motives are with the people around me. I need to understand they are gifts to me from God. I need to cherish them for who they are, and not try to change or improve them. I need to love them unconditionally and without regret. I can hold them up while they make mistakes, because this is the example Christ has given me.
The challenge lies in the differences we hold within ourselves. We are all different, yet there is something that brings us together and binds us in friendship. I can only challenge myself, and you, to seek out the very things that bind us, and grow our friendships based on unconditional love and respect. Because a real friend should love at all times, regardless of the circumstances.
Five Habits of a Woman who Doesn’t Quit
Five Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit
written by Nicki Koziarz.
This new book was released on March 1, and I had the honor of being part of the launch team. In this book, the parallels between my life and the life of Ruth were brought to the forefront. I always love it when a book draws me in and this one really has.
Five Habits outlines an incredible journey of choices we may be faced with, and how to handle our decisions to keep moving forward, no matter the circumstance. Having such an amazing story to base our habits on is quite impressive. Reading how to handle some of our past decisions can be painful. Acknowledging our future choices is redemptive.
I loved reading this book, and you will too. I think it makes a great gift for Mothers day or a birthday, to those resilient women in your life.
You can purchase this book in a variety of ways.
When I Need Rest
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, I will give you rest.”
Whew.
What a promise, rest.
Rest is such an elusive thing for most. Sometimes when we think we are rested up, we are more exhausted than when we started. How does this happen? Maybe when we take a nap or sit and chill in front of the television, we are physically resting. What happens when we are emotionally, mentally and spiritually needing some rest? Where do we turn first?
When I am feeling the weight of my world heavy on my heart, I turn to coffee, my husband and my friend. I air my frustrations on the phone or we sit down to enjoy some coffee and conversation. I will reach out and ask for counsel, searching for an answer. Why do I always feel like I skip the most important step when I am feeling overwhelmed in some part of my life?
It took me a long time to figure out what I was missing. When I realized how silly it was, I was embarrassed.
How could I have forgotten to pray about this?
Every time for as long as I could remember, I would wait for someone to be available to speak with me, spend time with me or counsel me in some fashion. I really made things much harder on myself than I needed to. All I needed to do was turn to my Heavenly Father for rest. I could have turned to him the entire time, yet I kept overlooking the best opportunity I had. I could have avoided the anxiety, exhaustion and sheer disappointment waiting provides.
Now that I have seen the error of my ways, I feel like I have a much better handle on my emotional, mental and spiritual well being. When I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, when my head starts to spin and when my heart begins to race, I turn to him for comfort. I turn to him for rest. The impact of my prayers is immediate, and a peace washes over me like a hot shower of wonderful. My shoulders begin to relax and my feet don’t hurt as much. I have a sense of relief I find hard to put into words.
Today as you are struggling with the world and all it has to offer, maybe take a moment out to spend with the father above. He is ready and willing to offer you rest, a relief from those unseen burdens. He is able, and he is mighty. Won’t you allow him to comfort you in your time of despair?
Dear Lord,
Please guide our hearts towards you when we are feeling weary and burdened. Help us to understand and accept the peace you offer when we bring our lives to you. Help us to lay everything before you as we make decisions and live the lives you have given us. Thank you for this day, and thank you for the blessings you have showered us with.
In your sons name I pray, Amen
At the Foot of the Cross
When I come to the foot of the cross this week, I know I must lay it all down.
Everything must be placed to rest, because it is simply exhausting carrying it all around with me.
So today, after much prayer, I give you this- a gift of words with the hopes that maybe one of them will prick your heart and motivate you to also lay some things down at the cross. Some of these are my burdens, some are not. To Jesus, they are all forgivable. There is redemption in laying it down. There is freedom. There is release that brings peace. This is the reason for the cross.
*Let Jesus take the hurt from you concerning your broken or struggling marriage.
*Come clean about the alcohol use, and the lies that cover it up.
*Turn the hurt other believers have caused into prayers for them.
*Remember that lost loved one with a smile after your tears.
*Reach out to someone who left your church, regardless of reasons you have heard.
*Forgive others for their actions.
*Pray for the one who stirs anger in you, and ask for peace.
*Forgive yourself for your own indiscretions and failures.
*Hand over the anguish of tough decisions.
*Let go of the anxiety having adult children causes.
*Ask the Holy Spirit to be your guide, your conscious.
Every day is a new day with Jesus.
Every day brings new hope, new joy and renewed strength.
When we come to the cross and lay it all down, it bares us to him. We strip off all that binds us here on earth and we learn the eternal promises of Christ are the only substantial thing to hold on to. The church disappoints us, but Jesus never will. People let us down on a pretty regular basis, but Christ will always lift us up. At the end of the day, we can only be separated from our savior by making that decision for ourselves. We can only come to him on our own, at the foot of the cross, and lay it all down for him to shoulder.
Praying for all this most important weekend.
Listening to the Words
Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths;
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen.
There are many things that can be interpreted and interjected into our lives about this particular verse. The obvious things that come to my mind are being a potty mouth and talking like a sailor. I know it isn’t proper, right or even pretty- yet, I cuss sometimes. Since I started meditating and praying more and asking the Holy Spirit to help me with this particular thing, I feel instant remorse when something comes out of my mouth that has any type of intent. I used to tell myself that saying an “alternative word” was a better solution. In reality, not having the intent behind my word has become more important to me than just replacing one expletive with a lighter, more family friendly version.
Another obvious tid-bit is to make sure your words are helpful to build others up, according to their needs. It’s self-explanatory really. Building each other up and being more positive than negative in nature has major impact for some. On occasion all a person needs is for someone else to smile and say it’s going to be ok. Those glass half full folks are so important, and their words are full of encouragement, love and consistent support. Someone who intentionally chooses their words can be such a blessing to others. Using this ability to minister to the needs of those around us on a day to day basis is an amazing witness for Christ.
The part of the scripture I am most focused on is the “that it may benefit those who would listen” part.
Sometimes, the things we say and write are meant for a specific audience God has already chosen. On occasion, the words are intentional and well planned out- easy to read, digest and savor. People have an easy time relating to our experience, our story, and it is soothing for them to read something so common and ordinary. It feels safe to read, safe to share and safe to talk about and mull over. It’s like a hot cup of coffee, with some creamy goodness mixed in, warm in our hands in our favorite mug.
Then there are the not so easy days, when the words we have heard or read are hard for us. When the truth is not what we would like it to be. We find out people have disappointed us in some fashion. We realize our decision was not a good one at all. We get caught up in something we are sorry for later. We second guess our decisions. We are hurt, because we do not understand where the words come from, or why this is all happening. So we turn it off; we stop listening.
When we stop listening because something is so very hard, we stop learning, caring and sharing. We shut off an important part of ourselves by not acknowledging the truths that have been hidden from us for so long. Even when the truth has nothing to do with us, we are offended and defensive, all at once.
Jesus knew there would be people who would hear him, but not listen to him. He knew there would be words of his which would fall on deaf ears. He sat in the towns, on the hillsides, even in a boat, and he told his story anyway. He knew fear, unknown truths and bad decisions would pave the way for more than one potential listener to turn away and question his motives. He watched the rich young ruler walk away, sad from what he was told. He saw the indignant look in the eyes of many when he spoke at the stoning of the woman. He felt the stares and heard the chants when he was chosen to replace Barabbas. Yet he still asked his father to have mercy for them, because they didn’t know what they were doing.
Words can be powerful; they can change a persons’ life. When a story is shared and you stop listening, you may miss out on the bigger picture. Maybe the words weren’t meant for you at all, and you are just meant to share the message to benefit someone else. Or, maybe if you still think about it later, they actually were written just for you all along. If we stop listening, how will we ever know?
The Nature of My Words
This week I have taken some time to reflect on the nature of words. Words in general are pretty harmless. Strung together with emphasis and tone, they can take on an entire life of their own. In scripture there are two verses that come to mind when speaking of our words, and during a recent sermon I discovered to love my words more, while minding them in a whole new way.
Proverbs 25:11 says- “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
I love this scripture. The word aptly means “suited to the purpose or occasion; appropriate.”
Sometimes when our words suit the occasion or purpose we have for them, they can be interpreted in another way by the ones reading them. This happens a lot on social media, in letters, print media and when someone is quoted without context. Context is the next biggest factor in understanding a meaning in something that is written rather than spoken. Somehow as humans, we have a hard time taking anything we read at face value. When I write personal experiences I have had, I am often questioned about their meaning, validity or circumstance. This is also true when we read what Jesus had to say in the scriptures.
I have always had a personal attraction to the red letter version of the Bible. In a book store, I find myself frequently picking one of those editions up, and running my fingers over the red letters as if I was absorbing them into my soul. I like to believe when I read them; Jesus is standing before me, reading them out loud. I get goosebumps when I picture hearing his voice say anything to me at all. It is very humbling knowing my savior has specifically said these things directly to me and countless other believers.
So why is it so easy to read so much into them? And how on earth do we manage to leave things out? And why don’t we ask questions if we need more information?
If there is one thing that frustrates me, it is having my words misunderstood. It is something I cannot seem to overcome, especially in the physical community in which I live. I would love to be able to provide the entire back drop with all of the context and every detail in each thing I post. However, if I did that, it would be a book every single time, and we do not have time to read one every day. (and I do not have time to write one every single day) So instead, I try to give the “bullet points” and get to the main event. This is where I feel like I get into trouble. I try to make something painless and easy to understand and read. Then my reader somehow has an entirely different perspective on what I say.
Why can’t we just read things, take them at face value, and be thankful for someone who isn’t afraid to tell their story? I am not afraid to tell my story, even though there are people who won’t ask me for the whole thing, let alone a brief explanation. They take the bits and pieces, assume I am up to no good or fabricating it, and share that thought with others.
What is it that makes us so afraid to hear the truth of someone else’s personal experiences with God, people and themselves?
Jesus was not afraid to tell his story- and there were plenty of people who were afraid of it. He healed people. He made lame men walk. He gave the blind vision. He gave us the opportunity for eternity with him. And although I do not think I will die today for my words like he did, I do feel like a little of me dies each time my story is discounted because it makes someone else uncomfortable.
So, I continue writing, and telling my story, my personal experiences and my thoughts. I continue representing those who may not be strong enough to share theirs. At some point, it will be beneficial to someone, either here, or there.
The second scripture is Ephesians 4:29 , and I will share my feelings on it later on this week in part two.
I am she
I am the woman at the well. Its true. I am her. I know what you are thinking.
1-you have only been married once
2-you are still married to the first
3-your well is electric
4-how can you even compare your life with hers
Here are all the answers:
1- I have been married only once, to a fabulous man ( not perfect, but perfect for me). He takes care of me, our children and our family. He meets all of my needs, and sometimes can read my mind. he keeps me grounded and safe.
2-We have been married for almost 21 years, with no issues of infidelity or otherwise. We have an honesty policy, even if the truth hurts. We are in everything together or not at all, with God leading us all the way.
3-Its a good thing I don’t have to carry water any further than the barn- I am a huge wimp and carrying heavy things long distances wears on me.
4-I cannot compare my physical life with hers- no comparison.
She had been married and remarried.
She was living in sin with a man who wasn’t her husband.
She was not welcome at the well with the other women who were more “appropriate” than her.
There it is.
She didn’t feel welcome.
Jesus took her to his heart anyway.
Found one.
She did not understand what living water meant when He said it to her.
There it is again.
Misunderstanding.
She was not “pure” or “clean”
There it is again-imperfection.
She was not included in the daily lives of the other women, because she was different.
I spend a lot of time alone, feeling rejected.
She was not looking for Him, because she didn’t know yet how he could change her heart.
Seriously significant- eye opening realization of who Christ is.
She had to learn about redemption the hard way.
DING DING…we have a winner.
I have learned everything the hard way.
Thank God He provides a soft landing.
The woman at the well is a fascinating story to me every time I read it. She is such an amazing example of how we receive gifts we weren’t looking for, when we think we are undeserving. It is also the greatest example of how not to be as a woman. Regardless of my differences with others, nothing I do should ever lead another woman to feel like she is less than I am. Christ see’s us all the same, and so should I.
Am I not the woman at the well?
That Jesus himself would save me, because He sees me as I am, not as I used to be?
Am I not the woman at the well?
Given the chance at eternity, no matter what the cost to Him?
Knowing my downfalls, my shortcomings, my everything?
Yet still He died for me, for her.
Because we are redeemed, I have nothing to fear.
*journal entry 7-7-13
Pray for yourself today- then pray for me.
The New Bed
Funny story.
This past week, my husband got a well-deserved bonus from work. He bought himself a few things, then determined we needed a new bed. Now let me say, our bed was roughly 20 years old…we have replaced our mattress but not the box spring. I couldn’t remember why, considering they aren’t very expensive, and having a matching set is always a better idea. (I don’t know why, it just is)
We picked out a nice firm mattress and matching box spring, and we picked out a bed for one of our kids too. Being a man sized kid, he needed a new bed. As I was paying there was a little issue with our bank card- it was declined. I was on the phone with the bank while standing in line for over twenty minutes. Apparently, we used our card in another town- twenty miles away- the night before, and we triggered some sort of fraud alarm, causing this card to be declined. Finally the bank was able to lift the hold, and we were out the door. We loaded the truck, twice in fact, to get them all in, and strapped it down ready to head home. We were the proud owners of two new beds, and called home to ensure the teenagers were ready for our arrival.
Except nothing is really this easy, right?
Bed number one went into man size childs room just fine. First floor bedrooms rock, and he had the old bed outside before we arrived. Bed number two- completely different story. And now I remembered why we never bought a new box spring. Picture this:
Two story farmhouse, one hundred years old. Beautiful crown molding in all downstairs rooms. Open ended staircase, with woodwork at the bottom and the top. About 5 inches too small for a queen sized box spring to fit through. Five inches really doesn’t seem like much, until you have a saws-all in your hand and a pair of safety goggles on your face for all that drywall dust and sawdust. Seriously. After removing more woodwork that the first time, cutting into wood and removing drywall, man sized child and best husband ever get the dang box spring up the stairs, followed by the mattress.
The bed is a big hit, very comfy and much taller than the last one- I have to jump a little to get my five foot two body up there. The grandbabies get much better bounce on this one, as already tested out with the jumping feet of toddlers. Sunday’s activities ended up being church, then a trip to the hardware for repairing the ceiling and wall. This time we replaced everything so it can be removed again easily, but my bet is by the time we are ready for another new bed, our bedroom will be downstairs and that upstairs bedroom just a good memory. Or hopefully a library.
Just another adventure in marriage.
