Keeping the Christ in Christians
It has happened again. Another blog article written by another Christian woman telling other Christian women they aren’t all that.
Wonderful.
She not only calls out the normal, messy, human Christian women who are fighting to stay afloat in a sea of doubt and life, but then she has to go pick on some of those women who somehow turned their life stories into full blown ministries. And she does it with picked over single verse scripture, crafted to mean what she wants it to say and fit into her concept. This concept says if a “Christian woman” doesn’t have her life “in order” then she shouldn’t be mentoring to others, writing about her struggle or shooting for transparency at all. Because after all, we are all striving to be the Martha Stewarts of Christian women, and if we haven’t arrived, we shouldn’t be talking about it just yet….
Thank You God for sending me Jesus for forgiveness and final judge. Because with Christian friends like this lady, who really needs the enemy?
I realize this is going to be a pebble in the ocean but for the love of all good things can we just stop this nonsense? No one needs to fit inside your box. Not ever. Jesus didn’t have a box, and neither should you. He had sandals. And he had dirty feet. Showers weren’t common place then, and neither was aftershave, shampoo or deodorant. He had friends who had NOTHING together. Those he chose to serve him closest were giant transparent messes. They were sinners redeemed by faith and hope in a savior who promised them a perfect life- after this one here on earth, as a human.
I personally know the effects of Christian women judging other Christian women. Having an unattainable standard placed on you by someone whom you look up to as a spiritual mentor is not only disheartening – it is suffocating. It sucks the life out of you quicker than the cold winter air, and it leaves scars on your heart that remain for a lifetime. You never forget the way a Christian woman looking down on you makes you feel. I never have. I will never forget when someone first threw scripture in my face- it was out of context, and out of line. It makes you want to pack up your family and never come back.
Immediately, I wished a lot of things. I wished I had memorized more scripture so I had a better comeback. I wished I had reached out to other Christian women for support, instead of leaning on people whom I knew had little boxes of expectation. I should have seen the warning signs, the criticism, the conflicts and the crisis. I wanted to have a warning, some kind of system that went off like a bell in my head saying “whoa there, Angie! Slow down this relationship and lean on Christ more”. What I didn’t realize is- I had all of this and more.
First, I have a brain. I have a good amount of common sense. When I want real answers to scripture being thrown at me out of context and out of line, I know how to look it up for myself. I don’t need someone to explain it to me how they fit it in- I can read it on my own. Second, I did have other women who would love me and all of my messy mistakes unconditionally, because I am their sister in Christ, and they don’t need another reason. Third, I did see the warning signs, and I ignored them. I thought I was being silly. Until the Holy Spirit started red flagging me and I paid attention at last. That’s when I started praying for God to send me some resolution. And boy did he ever.
Jesus set some pretty high standards with all of the changing water into wine, healing leprosy and raising people from the dead. Yet he also laid out some pretty clear, simple expectations when it came to his followers and how we are to treat others. I use the term “others” loosely because I think it includes all of us. I know he refers to sinners and neighbors specifically. They are all of us.
The big picture says we should be striving to be more like him- so let’s make a choice to start by keeping the Christ, in Christians.
Spiritual Intimacy
At any given moment, I may start crying for no apparent reason. Keyword-”apparent”. I have experienced this in both appropriate and inappropriate places, and sometimes it even catches me off guard.
When watching a baby I don’t know hear for the first time with a cochlear implant- tears.
Watching the news as the latest terror attack is reported- tears.
Seeing my grandchildren run across the yard towards me, arms wide open- tears.
Driving in the car, I hear a story on the radio- tears.
Praying- tears.
Read the rest of my Guest Post at Unveiled and Revealed here.
Five Planets & Frost
I will never be able to put into words some of the experiences I have had with the Father.
There is just no way for me to explain, and for you to really comprehend.
You really must experience Him for yourself.
Like this morning, I made sure to be up and outside before the sunrise. It was really cold outside- only 4*. The night sky was getting ready to be overcome by the rising sun. The moon hung behind me, full and bright through the trees, getting ready for the day shift to take over once again. The heavy frost crunched under my feet as I took my phone out into the middle of the yard, my breath showing in the cold. I opened the app to be sure I was looking at what I intended. There they were. I counted them as my arm fell down to my side. Five planets, just hanging there in the early morning sky. Five of the brightest lights I have ever seen in the dark sky, all lined up and looking so amazing.
I felt so small.
The entire universe spread out before me, as if it was waiting for the glory of the sunrise, just like I was. Those planets were amazing, hanging there just where our Creator put them. Spinning, shining, reflecting the light so I could have a breathtaking moment. I heard an owl calling out, as it flew over my head into the barn. The chickens were stirring, and the rooster started his morning wake up call. The sun started to rise, literally cracking the horizon with red, orange and gold. The sky started to light up, a rainbow from the earth right up to the stars and planets. They disappeared with the light, as the promise of a new day begins again.
Each morning we are given the opportunity to start out new. Nothing we did the day before can keep us separated from our Creator. Once we are His, he holds us close, and keeps us forever. He forgives us each day as we sleep to refresh for the next. He allows us to have hope and faith when we are weak, and he carries us through rough patches: picks us up when we fall.
Sometimes we only go with him kicking and screaming, because we don’t understand the path he has set us on. But we go, because he takes us, and gives us the morning.
“In the morning, Oh Lord, you hear my voice. In the morning, I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” ~Psalm 5:3
The Third Thing I learned in the Desert
I normally do not have a hard time meeting new people. I can work together on a team of complete strangers for a worthy combined cause. When I was in the desert, I never expected to turn into a complete introvert. I was so overwhelmed by everything thrown at me, that I just wanted to crawl inside myself and hide until it was time to leave.
I never bonded well to the people I served alongside in the mission field. I am not sure why, I just never really felt like part of the group. I participated in every activity on a completely different level. I had my husband holding my hand pretty much the entire time, which was wonderful. I had spiritual experiences like never before. I prayed much more than normal, and I was surrounded by mostly people that I knew.
It was really weird to be so disconnected.
One day I realized my detachment was because of my perception that we were only there for 7 days, and in a few weeks, most of those on the trip would have forgotten their experiences and gotten on with their life. I just don’t operate like that. I come home changed, different somehow every time I leave. I prepare for that by praying over it each time. I embrace change within, and spiritual change is always welcome. I love growth, even though it usually hurts.
The missionaries I served with stay in Arizona all the time. The work trips are only scheduled part of the year, and the rest of the time they are on their own. There could be no one else coming for months at a time. The family lives close to the mission, school and church. They literally spend every minute of their days working for the mission they serve. And even though they are in the U.S., I can only imagine how lonely it is to be away from your family for such a length of time.
I never shared this with them, but I completely recognized those feelings. Not really bonding with the people on the trip, some of whom I would go home and see all the time, is kinda the same thing. I knew that only a handful of people would want to return, while others would ignore the call and plan a vacation instead of a missions trip. I knew some went on this trip to hide from their reality at home and some went because others invited them, and they thought it would be “fun”. I went to serve. To experience God with my husband like we had never done before. It made it really hard for me to come home and be my “normal” self. It made it hard not to be angry at some who saw it as a vacation.
It was really hard when I realized the missionaries must feel like this and see it every single time a group arrived, then left. I wondered if they ever thought it was a waste of time, having work trips. I still wonder if they thought I was worth the days we spent there. We returned a second summer, and really fell in love with the culture, area and the entire concept of the mission itself. The second time around was confirmation that I wasn’t just enamored with the idea of missions, I was inspired by the people who live it every day, and have the strength to endure it all.
The Second Thing I Learned in the Desert
When it comes to people, always guard your heart.
Always.
You can never hide from God, and even though you may try, you cannot hide from your own ugly truths. When you are hot, tired and emotional, your personality reflects all of those traits you work so hard to hide. The moral of this story is, when you treat people badly, at no matter what level, it’s hard to hide it in the desert. And it comes at a great cost to everyone who is party to it and witnesses it.
To be persecuted against can mean many things. Sometimes it is extreme, and means to die for your cause. Sometimes it means you are treated unfairly for your belief. On occasion it happens because you refuse to conform to a standard that is not to your liking, nor is it biblical. In this case, it was the latter.
Feeling like everything you work toward is always being questioned by someone who should know better is awful. Knowing their feelings are being shared, quietly undermining everything you have prayed so hard for- Devastating. Completely devastating. With a few quiet conversations, a few validations and a few seeds of doubt, anyone can wreck anything for any person at any moment in time. All it takes is the careful manipulation and whispers of someone who, on the surface, looks to be a reputable resource.
Being undermined in this fashion feels like an anvil is placed to balance on your heart.
Having someone you once trusted and loved undermining your passion is indescribable. People are human. They screw things up on a regular basis. They create these little boxes and they want you to fit into them. When you do not fit because you believe differently, or because you have something they don’t, it ends badly every single time. The reaction to jealousy is sometimes indifference, and sometimes it’s undermining.
The lesson for me has been to be super careful to guard my heart. I also feel a great responsibility to guard my husband’s heart. We had a plan. It fell apart. We stood and watched it unravel like a sweater with one loose thread. The scar it has left is huge, and will take some time to heal. Guarding my heart is hard- I am naturally inclined to share all of it with the people I am close to. In the desert that still small voice kept telling me to be quiet, do nothing, and say nothing. “Do not react to this”, the voice whispered on the wind. So I stayed silent and aching. I never knew other people saw the ugly until we returned from the trip. My validation came too late, but the understanding that I am not alone gives me hope.
Not hope for reconciliation, but hope for a future where I learn to guard my heart, my sharing is limited and my husband and I do what God calls us to do. Eventually the truth about people comes out. There is no hiding in the desert, and there is no hiding from Jesus either. He knows you- the real you- not the one you may show on the surface. He doesn’t care about your “box” or how much you want people to fit into it. He only wants your heart to be pure and intentional. He wants you to be you, not some facsimile. He expects us to be humble, honest and faithful. He expects us to treat one another like brothers and sisters, even when one of us has something the other wants. He wants to save us, and he wants us to allow him to do just that. He asks us to guard our hearts against those who will not, and he soothes them when they are broken.
Tune in next time as I wrap up this series, Three Things I Learned in the Desert.
The First Thing I Learned in the Desert
When I visit a new place, I always like to think I can take a part of it home with me. Whether on vacation, traveling with a friend or just going on an overnight adventure, I feel the need to remember something from the experience or culture. When I visited the desert, I had no idea just how much I would bring home with me, and how applicable it would become.
The very first thing I noticed was the landscape. I really had only seen pictures of it, and it was even more breathtaking in person. The colors, the horizon, the plant and animal life. Every direction I turned had something completely different to offer. Learning the terminology was different too. I now can tell you what a mesa is.
While I expected to see new things and experience a diverse culture, what I didn’t expect was for a whole bunch of personal issues to either be resolved for me or be brought to the forefront. I had no idea God would use this trip where I was supposed to be serving others, to serve myself as well. I have a few important things to share which I learned about myself, some people I had known for a long time and some people I just met.
I am always surprised when I do something well that I have never done before. I can serve the homeless, and I can do it well. The first time I went out on the bus to take Jesus and lunch to the people on the street, I was a little timid. Then I stepped off that bus and I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I knew there would be hunger. I knew there would be smells. I knew alcohol was a huge factor. I knew cleanliness and hygiene were an issue. I forgot I was dealing with people, until my feet hit the pavement and I was face to face with a man and woman who were just like me. They were just like me. I was so surprised. They spoke to me as if I were their friend. They reeked of alcohol, and they spoke of their hunger and their sore feet. They were worried about their family. They were worried for one another. They knew who Jesus was, and they asked if they could pray with me, for all of us.
Wait, what?!
I thought I was supposed to be here ministering to you…and you want to include me in your prayers today? Of course, instant tears for me as she took my hand and we circled up, bowed our heads and prayed.
As I walked away, I reflected on that moment. Maybe God brought me all the way to the desert for some ministry for myself. Maybe I needed something I wasn’t getting at home in my comfy chair in the middle of the “auditorium” in my lifelong church. Maybe there was a much bigger picture I didn’t know about because no one had shown me before, and I didn’t know to look for it.
The rest of the trip I marveled at everything we did, everything we saw and everything I could experience. I reflected in my journal the reality that at any point in my life I could become homeless. At any point in my life I could lose all of my worldly possessions and be without the “things” that make up a huge part of my life. Would I be so committed to Christ that I could look at a stranger who has come to feed me and say “can I pray for all of us?” Would I know in my heart that regardless of circumstance, God is in control? Do I know those things now?
The weeks following were an exhausting mix of conflicting emotion for me. I kept thinking about those street people and what their future holds in the desert. I kept remembering the sights and sounds of them praying for all of us, like we were old friends who had come home again.
I kept thinking to myself, what is it I can do to ensure my walk with Christ is going to be so good, that no matter what happens, I turn to Him in time of need? I started making changes, a little at a time. I changed some habits, I became almost picky about the messages that I was taking in and I decided to pray for new direction. I had felt a prick in my heart for true spiritual growth and I was ready for the next step. I had some more to learn, I always do, but I felt this one experience in an unexpected place would lead me in the direction God wanted me to go.
Join me next time for the second part of this story, Three things I learned in the Desert.
Leaning Into the Father
In the Arizona desert, I heard His voice. “Thank you.” He said, “You have served me well today.”
I didn’t share that with anyone. I wasn’t afraid. I was just quiet. I didn’t know what to say- “Hey, I think God audibly called out to me today.” Even I thought I sounded crazy. I returned home from this trip completely stunned and even more enticed to find my calling. I had a few things I already knew about myself, and I had a few more I was about to learn.
Today I am guest posting over at Empty Plate Full Heart. Andrea is an awesome friend with a great message. Please head over there to read the rest of my story.
Knowing when to RUN
I saw a meme on social media this week that said:
“Ladies, a gentle reminder, God will never provide you with someone else’s husband”
Ouch.
For some women, I would imagine the grass looks greener always, because being in an unfulfilled marriage has to be the pits. I cannot imagine having a spouse who didn’t talk to me, made plans consistently without me or just didn’t love me. The way God has marriage laid out is so simple- yet we complicate it very easily. Once the vows are said, the cake is served and the new marriage begins, there is no going back. Unfortunately for some, the commitment made during the ceremony means less than the piece of paper it’s printed on. Some just do not understand the implications of not fulfilling the marriage promise.
On the other hand, I cannot imagine how hard it is for a husband to see his wife turning to another man for any reason either. We must be careful to guard our hearts when the opposite sex is concerned. We must remain faithful in ALL the things: Physical relationship, emotional relationship, intellectual relationship- everything. I will boldly state that it is my belief when a person, male or female, gives into a relationship that holds value intellectually, physically or emotionally with someone who is not their spouse- that is adultery. It is spelled out pretty clearly in the bible, and it is something often overlooked in marriages because one person feels they are “not worthy” of a particular aspect. There is NEVER a good reason to share things with someone else when your spouse is supposed to literally be the other half of your “whole”.
This is where we RUN.
Fast, and without looking behind us to see if we have been followed. We run from those who have no problem flirting with a married woman. We run from those who invite a married man to dinner. We run from those places that can get our hearts into serious trouble if left to grow. If your grass isn’t very green, maybe it’s because your spouse is nurturing the daisies, and you do not notice the effort. If you are unfulfilled in your relationship with your spouse, maybe you need a prayer, a divine intervention. Or maybe you just need to pay more attention and make every effort to change the current circumstance. Maybe you are on the receiving end of this confusion.
Or maybe you are the problem, and you are so caught up, you don’t even know it.
God can make all things new, and he can restore your marriage, just like he can do anything else. The institution of marriage is the ultimate gift from our father above- he alone has the power to restore it and revive it, but it takes effort on our part to listen to him and obey his word.
As I wrap up this installment of Hold em, Fold em, walk and run, I would encourage you to be the kind of spouse you want to have. If what you want is understanding, be more understanding. If you need commitment to being intentional, then be intentional. Pray together, find time together to work out those kinks, and discover who your husband or wife is on the inside.
Trust me, after 23+ years; it is well worth knowing my husband intimately and spiritually.
Looking forward to another 23+
Knowing when to Walk Away
Knowing when to walk away has been the biggest problem for me as a wife.
I just want to fix everything.
Or, I am laughing so hard at such an inappropriate time, my hubs won’t even look at me.
There are two sides to every coin. I have no idea what he meant by this one except for maybe this- instead of backing yourself into a corner with your spouse, learn to stop talking and walk away. Just go for a walk. Shut that big mouth of yours and go.
Most of the things we have to say to our spouse they already know.
For example for me-
- How I feel about the way someone else treats him. ( He knows)
- What I think about this morning’s sermon. (he knows)
- What I know about someone else’s infidelity (he knows)
- How hurt I am over another person’s repeated behavior towards me (he knows)
- Anything else we may have discussed repeatedly. ( He knows)
How does he know, you may ask? We have been married for 23+ years. And even as newlyweds, we had a certain expectation of things. We have never approved of infidelity on any level. We want each other addressed with respect and common courtesy. It kills us when someone else cuts us to the core, and we do not always (clutch those pearls ) agree with everything preached from the pulpit. ( I know- another topic- another time) I say all this to bring to light a point- He can give me one look and just know. I do not need to explain, voice my opinion or rant. He already knows how I feel, as I know how he feels. We have done our homework with one another.
On those occasions when it is not obvious to one another, we do have that seeking conversation, but all we do is ask instead of offering an opinion or rebuttal. We are not the Bobsy-Twins. We don’t have to think alike all the time. God created us as individuals intentionally, and part of marriage is learning to do all the things we must to stick together. We have chosen to be forged as One, so we must learn to act as one as well.
As far as the inappropriate laughter- I have no idea how to get around this one. Sometimes he leads me away- sometimes he laughs with me. On occasion I do get reprimanded, but mostly just an eye-roll. I would imagine those are the times he desperately wants to walk away from me for a moment to save himself the embarrassment of my superior and uncontrollable laughter. I would also imagine he would quietly and in private completely approve of my giggling fit when no one else is looking.
Walking away is for self and spouse preservation- we can all use a little bit of that.
Join me for the last installment, Know when to Run.
Knowing when to Fold ‘Em
As you all probably know, my husband had a unique answer to my last question concerning advice to newlywed couples. After some thought, I decided this information can be applied to any marriage, new or progressed. Knowing basic things can help in sticky situations in any relationship. There are some things we just need to know. There are some things we need to learn and some we need to accept.
Know when to Fold ‘Em
Even though I am slightly convinced he was referring to laundry, I love the idea of this topic. Maybe knowing when to fold laundry is a key to success in your marriage right now. I wouldn’t know- no one here ever folds anything until it is piled up so high you cannot even see the basket underneath. Or it’s on our bed, which we have to clean off for sleeping each night. My hubs is an awesome laundry man- he folds, as well as washes, dries and puts away. He is not the same type of procrastinator as I am, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that trait in him.
Knowing when to fold em is tricky business in the marital world of wonder. When do you fight for what you believe, continue to prove a point, or have to be “right” ? At what point do you allow grace and mercy and just stop with all the arguing, uncomfortable conversation and cloud hanging over your marriage? For us, it depends on the topic. Sometimes we “fight” over minor things- baseball, football, television and the fact that one of us doesn’t read all that much. **Ahem**
Mostly though, the ONLY things we hang onto when in disagreement are when they involve choices we have made that directly affects the other in a negative way. Let me repeat- if it doesn’t affect your spouse or yourself negatively, if it isn’t hurtful or compromise your relationship to a point of no return, it’s probably not worth fighting over- much less losing sleep and a guest bedroom visit. There just isn’t enough time to spend or breathe to waste hanging on to past events, miscommunications or unreasonable expectation. Both of us are human. We both screw up plenty on our own, put us together and we are capable of screwing up a lot more.
We must be able to look past the little annoying things we do to one another and just fold. Cave. Give in to the love, passion and truth that our marriage is based on. We have a God based marriage…God first, spouse second, everyone and thing after that. This includes our parents, families, children. Once that houseful of kids has grown up and gone, it will be just as it was when we started- just us and Him. We must give ourselves enough rope to tie up those loose ends and set them free. Fold em all, and enjoy the next stages of life together.
Join me the next installment “Know when to Walk Away”
