Public or Private?
With recent events in my life unfolding I have taken a step back to really evaluate myself and what people see in me. I have to admit, I have my flaws. I can only be responsible for myself, and in the end that is all that is expected of me. One conversation which seems to be coming up each time this can of worms is open catches me by surprise. Do you live two separate lives?
Stick with me a moment, and embrace this idea. I am one of those people who sighs with relief when I pull into my driveway, get of my car and can walk in my house.
Home.
It’s where I can let down my hair, be my most vulnerable self, and let my guard down. It’s where I wear my favorite jeans, t-shirts and mismatched socks. I can go with or without makeup. I can cry. I have books all around, my bible lays open in the last place I read it and my last coffee cup isn’t too far from it. I sit on the couch and read, watch some television that is pure junk or go outside and play in the garden. There are chores, but there are also visitors, phone calls, emails and letters to address. I might even run to the store for a soda and some chocolate.
Wait.
There it is.
I might even run to the store….what does this mean? Do I change my clothes, put on makeup, and change my attitude, appearance or some other factor? DO I shut off the tv, change the channel or lock the dvr list so no one knows what I was watching? Do I need to put on my public face because it is different than my private one? Do I need to change some facet of who I am at home into who I am in the public eye?
I do not. With me, what you see is what you get. Literally, and unfortunately sometimes.
The amount of people who are completely different in their public life than their private life is startling to me. I just have never understood exhausting myself to put on a show that is based on a lie- something I am not. I would much rather have a genuine article in a person than the washed up and shiny, sparkling idea they want me to see. Why don’t we value ourselves as much as we value what others think of us?
Valuing myself means I am going to be the best I can be, and for me it is only Gods judgment I am concerned with. I won’t give you part of me you aren’t ready for, however- I won’t give you something which isn’t part of me either. I’m not going to sugar coat the fact that I watch television that may be deemed inappropriate by some. I wake up every morning and drink entirely too much coffee. I am a terrible housekeeper- but I would love to be super organized. I write a lot, I read a lot and I listen to my music in a loud fashion. I yell sometimes, I cry always. I am not very good with money, but I am working toward being a better steward. My shirts are wrinkled. My clothes probably need replaced. My socks rarely match. I burn the popcorn. My gardens need weeded, my laundry needs folded and my current projects are piled on the dining room table with a months’ worth of junk-mail. When you drop by, call to say you’re coming over or plan weeks in advance, chances are, you will see all of these things about me and more. It’s pretty real here.
When I go to church, I see some of the most down to earth people I have ever known. They are the genuine article, full of love, grace and mercy. Always shining Jesus, even in a situation that is not optimal, their light still shines. It reflects in their homes, it reflects at their job. They are the same in the grocery store, the church pew and the ball field. Real, authentic and refreshing. I also see some of the biggest shows on the face of the planet. There are people walking around with so much fear of what people will think- they actually are a completely different person when not in the comfort of their own home. I have heard it described as a control issue or as a privacy issue. Either way, if you are that worried about what others think of you- then maybe you should be worried about what God thinks as well? I am not sure He intends for us to live separate lives- He expects us to be an example, to live simply and fully in Him, even at the risk of people “knowing” things about us that are not perfect. Humility and honesty go hand in hand, along with sincerity and compassion, grace and mercy. If we, as Christians are going to live like Jesus, and expect others to believe it, then mustn’t we embrace our private life and just be real? And if we, as Christians are worried about other people “seeing” or true private life, then maybe we aren’t as real as we would like to think.
Which life do you live?
Are you all in, or do you have both a private and public life?
They cannot hear you if their stomachs are growling…
In Matthew 25:31-46, we are given the final judgment.
In Matthew 28:16-20, we are given the Great Commission.
“Then the eleven disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshipped him- but some doubted! Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always even to the end of time. “
Between these two very important segments of scripture, there is a great responsibility placed on those of us who are living to be like Jesus. We are supposed to clothe the naked, feed the hungry and commit to meeting the physical needs of various people who cross our paths during our lifetime. Our biggest and most important job is to serve other people. In this day and age, this is such a different approach than the “me” everyone is so worried about.
When talking about these two segments in depth, my husband said something so simple, yet so profound. We were discussing how many churches do not have “social services” anymore. Food pantries have closed at an alarming rate, benevolence funds are for those who “qualify” and the church is looked upon as more of a club for the rich than an outreach for Christ. However, aren’t we the original social service organization? Doesn’t feeding people who are hungry, clothing those in need and providing for those physical needs when they aren’t being met qualify us as such? I asked him how we could possibly think we could lead people to spiritual wellness when all they can think of is their physical need. He replied “They cannot hear you if their stomach is growling.”
Mind blown.
I never thought of it quite that way before, but it makes sense. When people come to the church, they should feel welcomed. Feeling welcomed has much less to do with the decorations and furniture in the foyer. It has to do with the compassion and love they are offered, alongside figuring out their physical needs and solutions to them. The entire time they need to know there is no judgment- just mercy and grace. It is hard enough for people to be so humble when they are in such great physical need. They come to us for all reasons- illness, money, food and housing. They come because they literally have no place else to go, and it is expected when you walk into a church there will be someone there to help in some capacity. They have this hope we are going to help them.
When we decide taking care of people and their physical needs is important again, we will reach far more people for Christ. Believers aren’t expected to do things on their own, non-believers should not have to either. Jesus did not come to this earth and hang out with the rich, the people who had their spiritual acts “together”, or the well taken care of. He came here and spent time with the very least of these- the very bottom of culture, the very needy, the very poor, and the very lost. These people couldn’t see past their physical situation- there was no time or concern with the spiritual needs, because they were just focused on survival.
When I think of these scriptures I feel convicted to be more compassionate, more giving. I want to serve more, be more to those who need me to be and give whatever I have in love and sacrifice. I want mercy, grace and service to be at the top of my list, because if I truly want to be the church to those who need it, I need to be more like Jesus and less like this world.
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Today I am a Contributing Author
Today my contributions begin for a wonderful new website called The Glorious Table. If you haven’t seen this yet, you must go over there and show these writers some love. Everyone is so authentic, and everyone is coming from a different place. It is so nice and refreshing to read real life truths.
Enjoy
The Flying Geese
I was driving towards home one day, when the sun was low in the sky, setting it all on fire with beautiful colors of pink, red, purple and blue. I was mezmerized by the beauty before me. Then it happened. A huge flock of geese came from no where, squawking and honking and making a lot of noise. They landed a short way from the house in the bean feild, where I could barely make out the tops of their heads. I was completely amazed at the thoughts running through my head.
They are such a family. Such a group of geese, flyng, eating, stopping and protecting one another. It doesn’t matter what is happening, they are all about their group. When one lands, they all land. They turn, they fly higher, they fly lower. When one calls out, the others answer. They land on the water together, they take off together. Always in sync with the others, protecting the flock.
Oh how I wish the Church was this way. Can you imagine it? Having a group who loves you unconditionally, turning left and right whenever you need them to? Flying high with you when things are awesome, then sticking around when you are flying low? Loving you when the water rises, and watering you when the desert appears. The church forgets whats it like to be like Jesus sometimes. We forget what its like to be a flock. His flock. We get caught up in money problems, people problems, curriculum and leadership issues. We spend way too much time talkng about doing something than we do actually doing the something. We like to read about Jesus and how He served, yet we don’t make the time to serve. We spend time judging harshly those who make decisions that are not within our “box”, yet we never ask them how we can be of assistance, how can we help you during this time?
I love being a Christian woman. I long for relationships with other Christians which are healthy, unconditional, loving and worthy of Him. I want the conversations to be healthy, the help to be helpful and the love to be genuine. I want to serve, and I want to bring about a change for my Christian family . I feel very empowered when I read everything good that happens when people come together in Christs name. I want to fly high with you, and help you spread your wings when you fly low. I want to be a voice in this community that lifts you up, and helps to recognize the truth of being human- we can change our attitudes and be more like Christ- we just have to make the choice.
There Was That One Weekend….
I don’t even know how to express the importance of Women’s Christian Community .
I don’t know how to paint a picture of it either.
Then there was that one weekend….
My heart was pounding with excitement, fear and anticipation. I thought I was going to throw up before I could get off that little plane. I do not get airsick, or altitude sickness. I was just—well—nervous.
Austin Texas was hot- about 95* with a million percent humidity. I waited for my bag to come off the plane, and headed down the concourse to meet some of the 250 friends I have never seen before. Yes, I said 250 friends I have never met. It is true, and for those of you who do not know this story, I will recap:
On March 11, I was sent an email confirming I was one of 500 who applied to be on a launch team for a favorite Christian author- Jen Hatmaker. I am not an optimist- I never win anything. Needless to say I did a happy dance complete with the Carlton when I recieved that email. Finally something good, and all mine. I relished in the thought of being “first’ to read a new book, get to be part of a “closed” facebook page, and maybe even a shot at learning from and meeting some other authors. I was in pure heaven. I had no idea how much my life was about to change. The book is For The Love.
When the facebook page launched, we slowly accepted the terms and joined in, introducing ourselves and talking about the excitement of the book. I got my pdf copy and joined in with the group, reading, sharing, laughing, crying—my dogs looked at me like I was a nutjob. Then the actual pre-copies went out- the unedited copy that every one of us stalked our UPS drivers over, until they were delivered. I highlighted, made notes and folded pages. It is a well read book, in the sense that I have read it more than any other book except my Bible.
One day, something happened. One of the women posted a very personal, serious prayer request on the page. It was vulnerable, it was serious and I was crying. I commented right away, wrote down her request and prayed over her and her situation. It was so hard and real. Then it happened again. Another woman. Then again, and again, until our facebook community turned into a real life community. A community that lives and breathes and thrives on the love for one another that you only get from Jesus. One day I was having a particularly rough go of a few personal things- and I turned to a facebook community of 496 women and 4 men for a prayer request. I was so worried I had done the wrong thing, then I got a friend request from one of the 500. She sent me a fantastic message about peace and allowing myself some grace and mercy. She prayed for me, and she checked in on me for several weeks after that. I sent a friend request of my own, and as soon as it was accepted I sent my own personal message to a woman I had never met, encouraging her as I had been encouraged. This went on for months.
One day I looked on my facebook page and the only thing I saw were my FTL friends, loving, encouraging, debating and praying for one another. We are not all from the same church, denomination or background. We are not from the same country, we are not from the same race, social status or career. We are as different as they come. We are literally in different countries, raised differenty, in different marital situations . One thing we all have in common? Jesus, grace, mercy and For The Love.
Back to Austin…
I walk onto the escalator, riding down with my backpack and my carry-on bag. Then I see her. Sheila. One giant hug and a few tears later, I am glad I made this trip. Traveling alone is a big deal for me. I am 41, and I do not go anywhere without hubs. I turned around, and there was Harmony, with her big smile and another hug. The absolute strangest thing happened. I felt like I was home.
All of these months talking, praying, reading and writing. We have spent countless hours together- all of them virtually. Finally I was getting to hug some people whom I cherish and are so dear to me. We had dinner at Salt Lick BBQ- if you ever go to Austin you must go eat there. There were supposed to be 35 of us- we ended the night at 72 FTL-ers. 72 women whooping ,laughing, hollering and hugging and crying- all at once. And so unnerving- they all knew my name. I have never ever in my life had people yell my name like I was a celebrity and then want to hug me because we had something so awesome in common- Jesus. I was overwhelmed. It was so awesome. I have never felt so loved, so much part of a community, so much like I belonged somewhere. The only thing missing was my husband, and he has been hearing all about this since I came back
.
We spent time getting to know each other, shopping, eating and just having some good, old fashioned girl time. For some it was like moving mountains to get to come there at all. For some we raised money for scholarships and amazingly enough- brought 24 to Austin! For some it was a much needed jolt to their next step in life. For others it was eye opening and refreshing to spend moments on their own, a perfect time for some reflection. I am feeling like a spoiled girl- my husband wouldn’t hear of me staying home, missing this opportunity. He said I would regret it if I didn’t go- and he was right.
The pinnacle of the weekend was a super amazing party at Jen and Brandon Hatmakers farmhouse. First off, the house is super cool. The food was spicy, the drinks cold and we had a nice breeze. Jen made an incredible tear jerker of a speech- like me she is a real live person with kids and dogs and parents and in-laws. I hear she even puts her boots on one at a time, but I doubt that is true. She was amazing, so excited to meet each and every one of us. So gracious. So hungry, and oh-so appreciative. For her the book was just a book that we launched- a baby she birthed, that we delivered into the hands of moms, daughters and friends right when we were supposed to. Its all good- because it lives up to the hype we created over it. The real outcome of this launch group was our community.
We are still a community of mostly women who stick together, pray for each other, have meet ups and coffee. We are still working together to promote each others businesses, blogs, websites and books. We have had literal babies in this group. We hold each other up. Our standard is Jesus. Jen’s challenge to us was to take that community and build on it at home. It is a huge challenge. The women in my circle are wanting this so badly, but how do we accomplish such a task? How do we convince the women we know this is important? How do we trust, encourage, circle up and create this kind of bond? How do we take what I learned and what I have in FTL, and apply it to the countless women I see every day who are hurting, loving hard, raising their babies, loving their husbands, serving their churches and praying over it all? Just How?
Community doesn’t just happen- it takes work, trust, commitment and unconditional love. It takes broken people coming together to provide for one another what we cannot provide for ourselves. It takes forgiveness, mercy, grace and putting away the past and looking to the future. It takes a true love of Christ, in any stage. Mostly it takes some seriously messed up humans to put it together.
When I look back, now I know what a Christian Community of Women is supposed to look like and it is beautiful. Its all women coming together from all circumstances and all places, loving each other regardless of everything. Its being the kind of friend Jesus expects us to be- the kind we want in our friends. My community here- it is broken into a million pieces.
Original question- how do I express the importance of Women’s Christian Community in my community?
I think I will pray over it, and God will continue to be provisional, as He always has.
**I have had quite a few people “warn”me of social media, facebook, blogging and similar things. I’m tired of the nay sayers. Not all of us are crazy. There is a ministry opportunity in everything in the world- there just has to be someone willing to minister. I am grateful for Jen Hatmaker and her team for taking this risk. It has been life changing and I will never forget it.
To order the For The Love Book, go here you won’t regret it.
To see my endorsement of the book, go to endorsements and scroll down. 🙂
For the Love, by my friend Jen Hatmaker
Jen Hatmaker
Yes, I CAN call her my friend. When I read her books, I feel like she is in my livingroom, and we are having an amazing conversation. I really understand why she writes the way she does. She is just simplifying everything we already know.
In this newest book, For the Love, Jen Hatmaker really makes me feel good about making some tough choices. She has put out some truths that I am sure not everyone will want to hear. I did, however, learn a few new things about myself that I would love to share with you.
1- I have wanted to yell about “Crappy Christians” for a long time. I feel like this conversation is way overdue. I am tired of getting hurt, shamed, walked on by people who are supposed to be part of the family of Christ. Really Tired. I was told it was normal, and that I had to develop thicker skin. It is NOT ok. And I am not alone. Jesus wouldn’t like it. Chapter 25.
2-Everyone has to deal with Difficult People. Whether its an in-law, work acquaintance or otherwise- how we deal with difficult people begins with enacting the “No Drama Forcefield”. See chapter 18.
3-I have always needed a term to describe our family. We. Are. Spicy. Chapter 9 could’ve been written from the livingroom my kids grew up in. Seriously.
4-Marraige and how to make it last. This is EPIC. We have been married almost 23 years. Thats a lot of “stuff” to work through. We aren’t the same person. We don’t take ourselves too seriously. We have sex. Really. 23 years. This chapter is therapy for those who need it, and affirmation for those who are thinking of trying something new. Don’t. Chapter 12
5-My favorite quote-right outta the last page of chapter 11.
“So these are my dreams for you:
Be Kind
Be You
Love Jesus.”
Something new to live by, an old fashioned idea for a complicated modern world. Where stuff seems to be the goal, and people get left on the wayside. The laughter, humility, truthfulness and love poured into this book pours out for all to feel all the feels.
Order it today. You won’t be sorry.
Friendship is Perfect…Because it Isn’t
“A friend loves at all times”
I guess therein lies the question- what happens when a friend doesn’t love at all times?
I couldn’t believe it when I looked back over the past year. I never would have listened if someone had said to me any of this would happen. Not in a million years. Not for all the gold in all the world. It was such a lonely feeling, realizing the severety of the wounds I had acquired. I had been so busy I barely even noticed what was missing. With my dad being sick, my adult kids and their families, my two teenagers at home , my work , my writing, my life- I guess God knew what He was doing keeping me so busy. He was protecting me from my feelings, my grief and ultimately myself. The Creator of the Universe was looking out for me, waiting to tell me something important until He knew I could handle it.
Our friendship was probably over. I am not even sure I can continue typing, as I feel quite sick to my stomach even writing this. I cannot even begin to express the amount of grief a lost friend like this one has offered me. Tons of grief, in fact. Tons of missed opportunities, tons of missed accountability, tons of missed coffe dates, conversations, prayers and tons of love. All lost. All gone in a flash that I have been struggling to push down, just for a while, I thought. Just until I can be strong enough to do, well, to do something. I covered up my hurt. I smiled. I hugged. I reached out for menial reasons. I gave opportunity, yet was never invited to have the conversation that fixes things. Was never offered forgiveness or explanation. Just, well, nothing. That is why I noticed. It takes my breath away. My dad is really sick, and the differences between us were too large to be put aside to even express sympathy, sorrow or prayer over it. He is my only dad. I only get one. My friend never said a word. The silence is deafening.
Friendships are hard with all the factors that go into having a relationship with another person. The different ways to do things, to think. Education levels, habits, marraiges and kids. Expertise, careers, clothing style and ethics. Morality, sacrifice, love and compassion. But most of all, for me, friendship is about just being accepted, being held accountable sweetly and being loved unconditionally. Its about coming to the table together, regardless of differences, and being able to discuss what hurts us, what makes us most frail. It is about expressing our doubts in our lives, what drives us and what holds us back. Its about brainstorming to solve someone else’s problem, and getting help with your own. Its about spending enough time with a person that you understand them, their intent and their dreams. To know another persons heart, and to be able to forgive when they break yours unknowingly.
I feel this scripture is such a basis for the friendships I have forged. I believe loving at all times means…at all times. I screw up sometimes, as do my friends. I am a human being. So are my friends. We hurt each other unintentionally. We apologize, we forgive we love and we get on with it. There are just so many things, it is too much to hold onto grudges and unforgiveness. It is too hard to be unforgiven for too long. You can lose yourself in the sheer disappointment. Friendship is perfect- because it isn’t. My friends allow me to be me, and are accepting of my flaws. I am just a sinner, saved by His grace and mercy. The rest is just a reflection of what He expects me to be.
I pray over my friendships today, as I remember what was, and what could have been. I pray for forgiveness in all of our hearts. I don’t want to be hurt or angry or lost to the idea of reconcilitation. Women are too hard on each other already, and I don’t want to be that kind of woman. I want the reason I had this realization to be a catalyst for me working harder to make the rest of my friendships awesome, and worth the effort for those I love. I want to be able to look past all differences to reach out when my friend is hurting, lonley and scared. I want to be there to pray with her when she is in a dark place with illness or family. I want to hold her hand when she needs it held, and to lift her up when she is down. I want to forgive and ask for forgiveness easily, because I can call her my friend. And I expect the same in return, because I can call her my friend. I want to model my friendships after Jesus, and the way He handled His.
I realize there is a perfect time for some things, that includes beginnings and endings. God is provisional, and where some wounds are left as scars on your heart, He provides healing and a new path. I wasn’t looking for a new path, I was hoping to re-blaze the old one. God had a different plan, and it is my job to recognize and move forward. I will never stop trusting God to lead me to people who want to be close and yet different. I will always be grateful for what has been, and looking forward to what is to come.
God is good that way. And He is my forever friend.
You don’t have to be Stuck- You have to be Brave
Change is so hard. When I feel that stirring in my heart that change is coming, I have to stop and pray. It rarely surprises me anymore- I have learned to be in tune with my own convictions and the Holy Spirits quiet whispers. Maybe I am less surprised because I am more trusting. I am more accepting of the direction God has put in motion. I do not always understand, and I tend to scrutinize every aspect.
What will the impact be on our lives?
What about our finances?
Will we be able to keep our commitments?
How about the kids?
Will they need assurance during this time?
So many things to consider when walking in the light, trying to make the best decisions. When praying, sometimes I do not even know what to ask for- however– He knows what I need, and what is on my heart. I have the satisfaction of knowing that God is omnipotent- so He is already where I am headed. He goes before me regardless of the decision I make. Forever.
The current situation does not have to be the “end all” for any of us. It can be the best thing that has ever happened- making a change. Even the most insignificant decisions can lead to amazing opportunities. For example- I filled out an application a few months ago to be part of a book launch. I had no idea what I was doing. I have never submitted a book for publishing- let alone helped someone launch their book. What took me fifteen seconds to submit led to a lifetime of memories, friendships and opportunities. I have met- or virtually met- some pretty amazing men and women. I am traveling across the country for a party For the Love. NOT my norm. Traveling to Texas, in the heat of September for a four day weekend. Going to stay in a house with an unnumbered amount of perfect strangers. Why? Because I prayed and He answered- “Go”, He said. So I am going. It’s like that with me and God. We have that kind of relationship where He says “Do this” and I say “ok Lord”.
The biggest part about this minor situation- (because even though it IS a BIG deal for me, it isn’t for most of you- you can insert your situation here), Is the being brave part. For me, bravery=faithfulness, hope, trust and love, all wrapped up into one very emotional package. Bravery for me is crying the entire way, wanting to pull a Jonah and run and hide from it all. Just before I get swallowed up, I fall to my knees in prayer and He shows me the way. Once again I feel as if I have been rescued from drowning in my own fear, fueled by the one who fuels it always. I surge through and listen to that still small voice among all the noise.
So. Much . Noise.
There is so much else wanting to be heard while I am just trying to hear Him and His direction. There is fear. The reminder that trips cost money. The traveling alone part. The flying part. The uncertainty of who is getting me at the airport part. The what was I thinking part. Then somewhere in the chaos, I hear “Go”, very clearly, very directly. “Go Angie, I am already there”. Insert sigh of relief. And a pause- If I hadn’t taken the time to let Him answer my plea, would I have heard His direction at all? I am thinking quite possibly not. If I had prayed and prayed over this decision, yet went about making my own path, would I have seen His direction? I am thinking not at all.
In the quiet of the morning I stand alone and pray, looking out the door at the sunrise, the dew and the creation set before me. I get a new start each and every morning, no matter where I am. I am reminded that if I should ask, He will answer. When I need a door, one opens. When I need a shoulder to cry on, one appears. When I need quiet, still time with The Creator of The Universe, I can find hope and be brave. I can make the decision that is right and good and without risk, because with God there is none. I can let some things go that I do not need to live. I can walk away from some things which are unhealthy for me. I can take what God has already supplied me with, and turn it into something amazing that He will bless and expand on, if I am only willing to be His child and listen to that still small voice inside me, the one that says “Go”.
Dear Younger Angie….
Dear Young Wife,
Wow girl…you should see how this all turned out! You just will not believe how much God has blessed you with. All four of your children have made it- all four! You didn’t lose any of them. You are a grandmother now, and those girls have stolen your heart. What I wanted to tell you is to relax. God’s got this!
You are so wound up- so worried about everything! Lighten up a bit. The sky isn’t falling because the kids ate an entire box of ice cream bars before noon! And those goldfish crackers smashed into the carpet? They are just going to be vacuumed up- it’s not that big a deal! Crying over spilled milk is one thing, but yelling about it? It’s just milk. Really!
Today I am guest posting for MrsDisciple. Head over there to read the rest of my letter to young Angie.
