On the Subject of Being a Less Crappy Christian
This morning as I lay in bed, my mind kept wandering to something Jen Hatmaker says in her book due out in August…She has an entire chapter dedicated to church people and how to treat one another. It stuns me each time I open this book at how much her level of clarity hits me with each word. It has some super funny elements too, which I appreciate immensely, but I keep coming back to this one chapter, and it makes me think: How can I be a less crappy Christian woman? Is there a way for me to be above the influence of some of the crappy Christian women people in my life? How do I become a better example of Jesus, when I feel the hurt feelings, cranky looks and selfish comments that are rolling off the tongues of those whom I should be able to depend on most?
Its not easy being green, says Kermit the Frog.
Its not easy being a Christian woman either.
First off, most of the major church decisions are made by men, who in my opinion are never going to understand a womans heart- not truly. A man is a wild beast, connecting with God through wild ways and as I often put it, outside, dirty and down to the core of manhood. Before you click off of here let me explain…men are wild at heart, wild at soul. They are reconnected through nature and creation and the circle of life and all those masculine things that men love, even if its a secret and no one knows it. My husband loves our couch- we like being potatoes sometimes, but given the opportunity he is hunting, hiking, camping, gardening. He likes the natural way of things. It reconnects him to creation and God and whats good and pure and holy.
Women are emotionally bound creatures. We hurt more, we feel more, we love hard and we fall hard. We are more susceptible to other peoples situations and we are easier led astray (met Eve?) We aren’t stupid- we want to see the best in people-God-snakes in a garden. We are harder on ourselves than others, we are harder on God than others and we are tempted as much as others. We sometimes are so much better in an intellectual arena that our men are lost. And sometimes we see things in the midst of situations that men do not see because that is how God created us- “The Helper”.
This is where I feel like things get sticky. Partly because I have a lot to say, and partly because I love this newfound realization that if I speak the truth, and people do not like it, I can stand on the truth for what it says. So here goes. Women have been speaking for, martyring themselves over and proclaiming Christ since his birth. His mother did it. His aunt did it. The woman at the well did it. Joyce Meyers does it. Jen Hatmaker does it.
Mother Teresa, Women Of Faith, Proverbs 31 Ministries….I could go on all day.
The one thing all of these ladies have in common- Jesus and their profound love for Him. Everything comes back to Jesus for us, or it should. The money, the decisions, the curriculum’s, the choices on how we handle infidelity, abuse, addiction, homelessness, hunger and brokenness. It all comes back to Jesus. As a child of God, how could I be expected to sit by and let the men in my life do everything, when I know I should be moving and shaking? I’m not.
What?
I am not expected to sit back and let the men in my life, in my church, in my community do everything where anything is concerned. I work as hard as my husband. I love as fiercely. I cry when he cries, I laugh when he laughs, and I mourn when he mourns. I also pray with him, for him, around him ,without him. Without him? Yes, without him.
I am his helper, but I am also me. I have my own relationship with my savior that is seperate and above my relationship with my husband, or anyone else. I read His words, I serve Him. I pray to Him, I worship Him and I beg Him for forgiveness. I wake up in the morning and ask Him to make me better than I was yesterday.
I do not want to be a crappy Christian. I do not want to judge harshly, love with condition and walk away from someone because they make a mistake. I do not want people to be intimidated by me because they are afraid of what I might say or do or how I might react. I want people to be real with me, so I can be real with them. I want the people in my church to be less crappy.I want to know I have the opportunity for forgiveness and redemption, because that is what this walking with Christ is all about. I want to know if I do something stupid, its OK, because i am human, and we do screw up from time to time ( or a lot in my case) I want people to ask me about me, before making a judgement about me on the basis of a mistake or what someone else has to say.
I want to be less snarky and more sincere. I want to be genuine and free to praise, worship, lead, teach and love like Jesus did, because with Him, I got this.
When the going gets tough, the tough get Coffee
This morning I relish in the thought of the new found friendships I have been forging over the past 10 days. Friendship can be so hard. I am a hard friend, I know that. Maybe high maintenance, I am not sure. But I do know this- I get tired, I get cranky and sometimes I don’t want to talk to you at all.
I go through phases when I do not understand the loneliness I feel. I do not want to know how to communicate that loneliness, because the people in my life expect me to be perky, happy Angie. Full of adventure, life and always doing something. Running here, going there. Lets not disappoint the people.
This week I am jealous of people and all of their things they are doing. Amazing things. While I sit here at this computer with the less than 100 people who may (or may not) be reading this wondering if my words matter to anyone. I have a friend traveling for a new opportunity that I think is going to steal her away from me, probably for good. I have an associate who just picks up and goes- whenever she wants, because her life is like that- financially stable and able to go at a moments notice. I have a friend with an amazing career- loves what she does, and isn’t afraid of doing it. I have a member of my family that lives super close by- and I never see her because she is always already doing something cool.
I work in a retail store, I process freight, I smile and sell things to people they do not need. I show up, get my small paycheck, come home. I do not usually give that place a second thought when I am home. I went to college. I got my degrees. I have an Associates in Horticulture and a Bachelors in Soil, Plant, Environmental Science. And a whopping student loan debt that is only going to go away when I die. I love being at home. I love taking care of my family. I love writing. I love my chickens.
It is so easy for us to compare our sometimes humble existences to those of people we think are far more worthy for what they are doing. I’ve not been blessed with some things because God knows I can’t handle it. I have been blessed with children, grandchildren, the ability to write, the ability to communicate. I have been blessed with tenacity. Tenacity sometimes gets me through the days when I miss my friend, days when I wish my hubs could stay home, and days when the church people are being judgemental. (Yep I went there)
Some days, like today, I have to choose to be sane. I have to choose to not cry. I have to make a to do list to make sure I eat lunch and drink water and walk the dogs. I have to occupy myself with prayer, perseverance, and most of all prayer. 
I have to make an extra pot of coffee and find the potato chips because their crunch makes me smile. I read in Proverbs about the woman and remind myself of my goals…then I flip over to the woman at the well because I identify with her struggle with self esteem better.
When the going gets tough, the tough get coffee. And pray for the words to type, that they are humble, true and encouraging, even if they only say- hey – you are not alone. I am insanely wigged out some days too, and it’s OK, because only Jesus was perfect.
It is the Sanctuary
When I was a kid, we had certain terms for the different places in the church building. And the place where the worship service, sermon and big events happened was always called the “Sanctuary”. For thirty three years it has been a sanctuary for me. It is the place I met mentors. I was baptized there. I got married there, and my husband baptized all four of our children there. My son and his wife were married there, and many of my family have passed through its doors on their way to their final resting place. This is where I came face to face with Jesus.
Last week, I was reminded harshly that it is NOT the sanctuary of my childhood anymore, because the sanctuary is “here” as person yelling defensively points to her chest…..
AHEM.
I beg to differ.
I am sorry for the interruption in the current culture in the church where I take ownership because I have lived there forever, but that big ole room where we sing on Sunday morning will always be the sanctuary to me. Let me just explain why.
For real spiritual things have happened to me there. For real , life changing commitments are made there. Jesus DOES reside there for some, because the only time they see Him is when they are there. In that space we have re-named the “auditorium”.
I remember when we went through a phase of calling this room the “family room”…my grandma said “Well, that’s silly, we all have a living room in our homes, this is not a living room, its a sanctuary, where we come together for worship, communion and praise. Next they are going to be playing drums and wearing jeans…” Oh Grandma. If you could see us now, with our awesome praise band and the jeans I have dubbed my “church jeans’, because they have no holes and are pretty denim with my funky shirts and converse….
Oops, I digress….
Some people tend to think their way of thinking is the only way of thinking…surprise- that is the wrong way to go if we are going to reach out and do what Jesus said to do. The sanctuary in our building is just that, a sanctuary. It is a place of rest, escape and sometimes refuge. I have gone there many times unknown to others, to cry, pray and plead with God for direction, peace and forgiveness. I have witnessed huge changes in people and their behavior when they enter this space. For some people, a sanctuary is just what they need to turn them towards Jesus. People need to know they are loved, protected and genuinely cared for. They need to know there is a place they can go because there is no other place on earth like the one you feel the safest in. And if the church having a sanctuary does that for even one person, then isn’t that the point?
I understand the body is a temple, Jesus lives in me, and I am the vessel of the Holy Spirit. I have been a round a while. My new friend who doesn’t know Jesus thinks He lives in the church, for her that is a very real baby step towards her walk with Christ. When she is ready for growth, God will show her how to allow Jesus to live within her. As an unchurched, unfamiliar, newly interested woman, shouldn’t we give her every opportunity to believe that Jesus is everywhere? It has to start somewhere. For her it starts in he sanctuary.
When my Grandma Kell died, her funeral was in the sanctuary. It was such a personal day for me. I was with her when she took her final breath, I was there when they closed the casket, and I am forever grateful it was in our sanctuary, because I will always remember her as my Grandma who prayed for me and gave me her everything. Once in a while, when I come into church I smell her perfume, and I am reminded of the importance of this room, the Sanctuary, and what it has meant to me in my walk with Christ, with my husband and to my family.
The Sanctuary was my starting place, my beginning, I found Jesus there. And He meets me there every Sunday morning after He and I leave my living room in my house for worship and praise, learning and loving.
I love my church, but loving something doesn’t always mean agreeing with every thing it stands for. Sometimes you just have to pick your battles carefully, and this name change is not a battle for me.
It will always be the Sanctuary for this girl, no matter what .
What is Your “Thing”?
This morning I caught about 15 seconds of the news before I changed the channel. There was a person in her early 30s who wrote an article for a newspaper in New York about women and men and their differences in wanting to have children versus wanting a career. She said “No one my age wants to have children, stay home and be their mother, as far as women go.” Thank you Mrs. Smarty pants for encompassing every woman in the world in your skewed view. I am thinking she doesn’t know there are other people living in other places than the block she lives on.
That being said, the question I wanted to ask was “Where is your mother?”
Call me crazy, but I feel like this story was used to fill some space in a desperate need for news this morning. As the world changes and things get worse, as is biblical, I am seeing a shift in news reporting all around. Worthless facts and irrelevent news storeis flow across the screen for hours at a time, while people in the entire world are crying out for justice, food, water and love.
I undersand every person on this earth has ( or thinks they have) a purpose. I get it. We all ” have our thing”. My things change with my family dynamic- there was a time when the Fellowship Team at church was our thing…then Girl Scouting was my thing…then Boy Scouting. As that comes to a close, missions work in Arizona is our thing, and writing of course. Womens ministry is coming to the front, and writing. ( did I say that?)
What if we could influence the world around us to make their “thing” living like Jesus?
What if when we saw someone hungry, we fed them? What if we saw a mom struggling to pay her insurance, and we just paid it? You have probably heard about the fast food “pay it forwards”- someone pays for the coffee of the person behind them, then that person gets the one behind them, etc., until it hits the news and everyone is so happy for their free coffee. Except** They still paid for something, they just got more than coffee out of the deal- they got the blessing of doing something unselfishly for someone else.
Hmmm…
I think we are onto something here.
I love the stories of the “big tippers”…guy gets a $3 cheeseburger, leaves $100 tip for single mom waitress…..How about those who pick up their layaway only to find it has been paid off? Wahooo! Now there can be groceries and gifts at Christmas!
So how do we, as a small group of people, who like to consider ourselves invisible in the big scheme of things, make such an impact on the lives of those around us?
Here are some suggestions for today…
*When you say you are going to pray for someone- stop what you are doing and PRAY for them. Only takes a minute. Impact lasts a lifetime.
* When you see a homeless man sitting in Wendys, buy him lunch…have the worker deliver it to the table without him knowing…(try to escape without crying- I haven’t mastered this part yet)
* Hold the door for that elderly lady, help the sinlge mom corral her kiddos at the grocery, load those groceries for that man with the broken arm.
*If you have the means, pay someones water bill, pay for propane, catch up the electric bill, etc.
*Order a book on Amazon and gift it- anonymously.
Its called a ripple…do unto others…the golden rule…whatever the name- each of these things impacts other things you are never aware of. When families see someone is looking out for them- they look out for someone too.
I want to know other “things” we are doing to make things better for others… please feel free to comment below….
Friendship in Marriage
Friendship First:
When I asked John what he thought the basis of our marriage was, he responded
“We were friends first, and it grew from there.”
doing, he illustrated for us in marriage, man and woman symbolically
become one flesh. This is a mystical union of the couple’s hearts and lives.
Throughout the Bible, God treats this special partnership seriously- the goal of
marriage should be more than friendship- it should be oneness.
Spiritual Friendships
connected to one of your closest pals.
The most important relationship to have spiritually is with the Holy Spirit.
The second is with your spouse if you have one.
The third with your spiritual mentor and friend.
Friendships with Non Christians
people or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”
wicked, or stand around with sinners or join in with the mockers.”
and wiser in her walk with Christ, not her age.
Sometimes asking for reconciliation is powerful for you both
Sometimes it isn’t, and you just have to forgive yourself because no one else will.
Seasonal Friendships
Picking up where we left off last time, I would like to explore seasonal friendships.
Sometimes we forget how powerful a Christ-like attitude can be, and this is a key factor in motivating us for better resolution.
The best way to keep these friendships rolling is to pray together, love one another
and be committed to growing in Christ together-regardless of your haircut or handbag.
New Friendships
If you are spending your time with Christian women and you can’t get beyond the haircut and handbag surface conversation then you need to find out why.
January Snow and Friendship
I love the first heavy, fresh fallen snow. It is so clean and beautiful. I try not to mess it up too bad, for as long as I can. I walk the dogs in the same path each time we go out. I walk in my footprints to go to the barn. I limit my trips off the patio, because I like the way the snow looks in its natural state.
Sigh
I can’t protect the landscape forever. Just as I cannot protect myself on my own, forever.
Friendships are like snowfalls. At first they are beautiful, manageable and clean. There are no issues in a brand new friendship. Then things start to happen. Someone leaves unecessary footprints on someone else. Someone spills some truth, then feelings get hurt. Lunch plans get cancelled or forgotten. Questions start to swirl in your mind like the snow between buildings. Then you wake up one morning feeling cold and forgotten, because your friends got too busy for you.
Maybe you are a high maintenance girl, needing a friend that can shovel through with you like on the snowy path to the barn. Maybe what you need is for someone to melt some of your exterior away like salt on the path. Maybe you need less opinion and advice, and more coffee and listening ears. Maybe you need the same lesson I need- Jesus is my one and only true friend. “Lean on me”, He says. “Come to me”, He says. “Depend on me”‘ He says.
Whatever kind of friend you need, first you need to determine what kind of friend you can be. Take it upon yourself to analyze your friendships in a Jesus perspective. Not everything we are given is given for a lifetime. There are seasons for each relationship we encounter. There are also many types of friendship that cover the many phases of our lives. God provides everything we need to function in this dysfunctional world. The question is do we understand that it is ok to have all of these seasons? And do we know what to do with them?
I think God has provided me with a season of lonliness right now. For me, lonliness is a harsh reminder that I should not depend on any human for fulfillment- only my Savior can provide that. But I need that reminder, I need to return to listening to Him, whispering in my ear that I am His. I need that reminder everyday that I am worthy of His love, therefore, nothing else matters. I need that boost in my confidence that Jesus is mine regardless of what anyone else does. He is my confidant, my deliverer. He is my refuge and my friend. He allows me to sit for hours, prayng and meditating, and He never disappoints.
People can disappoint. Jesus never does.
When reflecting on our friendships, let us use our Jesus perspective to find some resolve in our friendships that we are struggling with. Let us understand that our friends may not be forever. Let us understand that our husbands are our friends too.
Lets discover this together.
