When the going gets tough, the tough get Coffee
This morning I relish in the thought of the new found friendships I have been forging over the past 10 days. Friendship can be so hard. I am a hard friend, I know that. Maybe high maintenance, I am not sure. But I do know this- I get tired, I get cranky and sometimes I don’t want to talk to you at all.
I go through phases when I do not understand the loneliness I feel. I do not want to know how to communicate that loneliness, because the people in my life expect me to be perky, happy Angie. Full of adventure, life and always doing something. Running here, going there. Lets not disappoint the people.
This week I am jealous of people and all of their things they are doing. Amazing things. While I sit here at this computer with the less than 100 people who may (or may not) be reading this wondering if my words matter to anyone. I have a friend traveling for a new opportunity that I think is going to steal her away from me, probably for good. I have an associate who just picks up and goes- whenever she wants, because her life is like that- financially stable and able to go at a moments notice. I have a friend with an amazing career- loves what she does, and isn’t afraid of doing it. I have a member of my family that lives super close by- and I never see her because she is always already doing something cool.
I work in a retail store, I process freight, I smile and sell things to people they do not need. I show up, get my small paycheck, come home. I do not usually give that place a second thought when I am home. I went to college. I got my degrees. I have an Associates in Horticulture and a Bachelors in Soil, Plant, Environmental Science. And a whopping student loan debt that is only going to go away when I die. I love being at home. I love taking care of my family. I love writing. I love my chickens.
It is so easy for us to compare our sometimes humble existences to those of people we think are far more worthy for what they are doing. I’ve not been blessed with some things because God knows I can’t handle it. I have been blessed with children, grandchildren, the ability to write, the ability to communicate. I have been blessed with tenacity. Tenacity sometimes gets me through the days when I miss my friend, days when I wish my hubs could stay home, and days when the church people are being judgemental. (Yep I went there)
Some days, like today, I have to choose to be sane. I have to choose to not cry. I have to make a to do list to make sure I eat lunch and drink water and walk the dogs. I have to occupy myself with prayer, perseverance, and most of all prayer. 🙂 I have to make an extra pot of coffee and find the potato chips because their crunch makes me smile. I read in Proverbs about the woman and remind myself of my goals…then I flip over to the woman at the well because I identify with her struggle with self esteem better.
When the going gets tough, the tough get coffee. And pray for the words to type, that they are humble, true and encouraging, even if they only say- hey – you are not alone. I am insanely wigged out some days too, and it’s OK, because only Jesus was perfect.
It is the Sanctuary
When I was a kid, we had certain terms for the different places in the church building. And the place where the worship service, sermon and big events happened was always called the “Sanctuary”. For thirty three years it has been a sanctuary for me. It is the place I met mentors. I was baptized there. I got married there, and my husband baptized all four of our children there. My son and his wife were married there, and many of my family have passed through its doors on their way to their final resting place. This is where I came face to face with Jesus.
Last week, I was reminded harshly that it is NOT the sanctuary of my childhood anymore, because the sanctuary is “here” as person yelling defensively points to her chest…..
AHEM.
I beg to differ.
I am sorry for the interruption in the current culture in the church where I take ownership because I have lived there forever, but that big ole room where we sing on Sunday morning will always be the sanctuary to me. Let me just explain why.
For real spiritual things have happened to me there. For real , life changing commitments are made there. Jesus DOES reside there for some, because the only time they see Him is when they are there. In that space we have re-named the “auditorium”.
I remember when we went through a phase of calling this room the “family room”…my grandma said “Well, that’s silly, we all have a living room in our homes, this is not a living room, its a sanctuary, where we come together for worship, communion and praise. Next they are going to be playing drums and wearing jeans…” Oh Grandma. If you could see us now, with our awesome praise band and the jeans I have dubbed my “church jeans’, because they have no holes and are pretty denim with my funky shirts and converse….
Oops, I digress….
Some people tend to think their way of thinking is the only way of thinking…surprise- that is the wrong way to go if we are going to reach out and do what Jesus said to do. The sanctuary in our building is just that, a sanctuary. It is a place of rest, escape and sometimes refuge. I have gone there many times unknown to others, to cry, pray and plead with God for direction, peace and forgiveness. I have witnessed huge changes in people and their behavior when they enter this space. For some people, a sanctuary is just what they need to turn them towards Jesus. People need to know they are loved, protected and genuinely cared for. They need to know there is a place they can go because there is no other place on earth like the one you feel the safest in. And if the church having a sanctuary does that for even one person, then isn’t that the point?
I understand the body is a temple, Jesus lives in me, and I am the vessel of the Holy Spirit. I have been a round a while. My new friend who doesn’t know Jesus thinks He lives in the church, for her that is a very real baby step towards her walk with Christ. When she is ready for growth, God will show her how to allow Jesus to live within her. As an unchurched, unfamiliar, newly interested woman, shouldn’t we give her every opportunity to believe that Jesus is everywhere? It has to start somewhere. For her it starts in he sanctuary.
When my Grandma Kell died, her funeral was in the sanctuary. It was such a personal day for me. I was with her when she took her final breath, I was there when they closed the casket, and I am forever grateful it was in our sanctuary, because I will always remember her as my Grandma who prayed for me and gave me her everything. Once in a while, when I come into church I smell her perfume, and I am reminded of the importance of this room, the Sanctuary, and what it has meant to me in my walk with Christ, with my husband and to my family.
The Sanctuary was my starting place, my beginning, I found Jesus there. And He meets me there every Sunday morning after He and I leave my living room in my house for worship and praise, learning and loving.
I love my church, but loving something doesn’t always mean agreeing with every thing it stands for. Sometimes you just have to pick your battles carefully, and this name change is not a battle for me.
It will always be the Sanctuary for this girl, no matter what .
What is Your “Thing”?
This morning I caught about 15 seconds of the news before I changed the channel. There was a person in her early 30s who wrote an article for a newspaper in New York about women and men and their differences in wanting to have children versus wanting a career. She said “No one my age wants to have children, stay home and be their mother, as far as women go.” Thank you Mrs. Smarty pants for encompassing every woman in the world in your skewed view. I am thinking she doesn’t know there are other people living in other places than the block she lives on.
That being said, the question I wanted to ask was “Where is your mother?”
Call me crazy, but I feel like this story was used to fill some space in a desperate need for news this morning. As the world changes and things get worse, as is biblical, I am seeing a shift in news reporting all around. Worthless facts and irrelevent news storeis flow across the screen for hours at a time, while people in the entire world are crying out for justice, food, water and love.
I undersand every person on this earth has ( or thinks they have) a purpose. I get it. We all ” have our thing”. My things change with my family dynamic- there was a time when the Fellowship Team at church was our thing…then Girl Scouting was my thing…then Boy Scouting. As that comes to a close, missions work in Arizona is our thing, and writing of course. Womens ministry is coming to the front, and writing. ( did I say that?)
What if we could influence the world around us to make their “thing” living like Jesus?
What if when we saw someone hungry, we fed them? What if we saw a mom struggling to pay her insurance, and we just paid it? You have probably heard about the fast food “pay it forwards”- someone pays for the coffee of the person behind them, then that person gets the one behind them, etc., until it hits the news and everyone is so happy for their free coffee. Except** They still paid for something, they just got more than coffee out of the deal- they got the blessing of doing something unselfishly for someone else.
Hmmm…
I think we are onto something here.
I love the stories of the “big tippers”…guy gets a $3 cheeseburger, leaves $100 tip for single mom waitress…..How about those who pick up their layaway only to find it has been paid off? Wahooo! Now there can be groceries and gifts at Christmas!
So how do we, as a small group of people, who like to consider ourselves invisible in the big scheme of things, make such an impact on the lives of those around us?
Here are some suggestions for today…
*When you say you are going to pray for someone- stop what you are doing and PRAY for them. Only takes a minute. Impact lasts a lifetime.
* When you see a homeless man sitting in Wendys, buy him lunch…have the worker deliver it to the table without him knowing…(try to escape without crying- I haven’t mastered this part yet)
* Hold the door for that elderly lady, help the sinlge mom corral her kiddos at the grocery, load those groceries for that man with the broken arm.
*If you have the means, pay someones water bill, pay for propane, catch up the electric bill, etc.
*Order a book on Amazon and gift it- anonymously.
Its called a ripple…do unto others…the golden rule…whatever the name- each of these things impacts other things you are never aware of. When families see someone is looking out for them- they look out for someone too.
I want to know other “things” we are doing to make things better for others… please feel free to comment below….
Friendship in Marriage
Friendship First:
When I asked John what he thought the basis of our marriage was, he responded
“We were friends first, and it grew from there.”
doing, he illustrated for us in marriage, man and woman symbolically
become one flesh. This is a mystical union of the couple’s hearts and lives.
Throughout the Bible, God treats this special partnership seriously- the goal of
marriage should be more than friendship- it should be oneness.
Spiritual Friendships
connected to one of your closest pals.
The most important relationship to have spiritually is with the Holy Spirit.
The second is with your spouse if you have one.
The third with your spiritual mentor and friend.
Friendships with Non Christians
people or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”
wicked, or stand around with sinners or join in with the mockers.”
and wiser in her walk with Christ, not her age.
Sometimes asking for reconciliation is powerful for you both
Sometimes it isn’t, and you just have to forgive yourself because no one else will.
Seasonal Friendships
Picking up where we left off last time, I would like to explore seasonal friendships.
Sometimes we forget how powerful a Christ-like attitude can be, and this is a key factor in motivating us for better resolution.
The best way to keep these friendships rolling is to pray together, love one another
and be committed to growing in Christ together-regardless of your haircut or handbag.
New Friendships
If you are spending your time with Christian women and you can’t get beyond the haircut and handbag surface conversation then you need to find out why.
January Snow and Friendship
I love the first heavy, fresh fallen snow. It is so clean and beautiful. I try not to mess it up too bad, for as long as I can. I walk the dogs in the same path each time we go out. I walk in my footprints to go to the barn. I limit my trips off the patio, because I like the way the snow looks in its natural state.
Sigh
I can’t protect the landscape forever. Just as I cannot protect myself on my own, forever.
Friendships are like snowfalls. At first they are beautiful, manageable and clean. There are no issues in a brand new friendship. Then things start to happen. Someone leaves unecessary footprints on someone else. Someone spills some truth, then feelings get hurt. Lunch plans get cancelled or forgotten. Questions start to swirl in your mind like the snow between buildings. Then you wake up one morning feeling cold and forgotten, because your friends got too busy for you.
Maybe you are a high maintenance girl, needing a friend that can shovel through with you like on the snowy path to the barn. Maybe what you need is for someone to melt some of your exterior away like salt on the path. Maybe you need less opinion and advice, and more coffee and listening ears. Maybe you need the same lesson I need- Jesus is my one and only true friend. “Lean on me”, He says. “Come to me”, He says. “Depend on me”‘ He says.
Whatever kind of friend you need, first you need to determine what kind of friend you can be. Take it upon yourself to analyze your friendships in a Jesus perspective. Not everything we are given is given for a lifetime. There are seasons for each relationship we encounter. There are also many types of friendship that cover the many phases of our lives. God provides everything we need to function in this dysfunctional world. The question is do we understand that it is ok to have all of these seasons? And do we know what to do with them?
I think God has provided me with a season of lonliness right now. For me, lonliness is a harsh reminder that I should not depend on any human for fulfillment- only my Savior can provide that. But I need that reminder, I need to return to listening to Him, whispering in my ear that I am His. I need that reminder everyday that I am worthy of His love, therefore, nothing else matters. I need that boost in my confidence that Jesus is mine regardless of what anyone else does. He is my confidant, my deliverer. He is my refuge and my friend. He allows me to sit for hours, prayng and meditating, and He never disappoints.
People can disappoint. Jesus never does.
When reflecting on our friendships, let us use our Jesus perspective to find some resolve in our friendships that we are struggling with. Let us understand that our friends may not be forever. Let us understand that our husbands are our friends too.
Lets discover this together.
the Real Gifts of Christmas
If you are like me, then you spend countless hours making sure everyone you are getting a gift for gets what is suited for them….For some people giving a gift is a obligation, not a joyful moment of giving. For me, it is a painstaking task, wanting to give not only something perfect for that person, but something that makes them feel like I spent time really thinking about it and caring about them.
This Christmas, like every Christmas, we spent our budget right down to the wire- everything is wrapped and under the tree for the most part, and yet I am not satisfied with a few things.
I had a day when I felt rushed to make decisions.
I had another day where I ran out of time and felt obligated for purchasing something just for the sake of having it crossed off my list.
I don’t like gifting this way.
I want my children to have something that tells them “momma cares about you and knows your heart”. I want my friend to know that I support her decision not to drink soda, so I purchased her a tea while we were shopping. I want my husband to know that I am completely ecstatic that we are not exchanging gifts, instead purchasing a new bed. ( yay!)
I want my parents to know I appreciate them and their lives and what they mean to us. I even want my in-laws to know that for what its worth, I don’t like brushing off their gifts because I ran out of time. I want them to like and appreciate what we have to share, even if they don’t understand it.
I don’t want to see that obligatory thank you look on anyones face, because in the rush of this season, I settled for something less than perfect for someone I love.
This year, I recieved the most amazing and thoughtful gift from the most unexpected place. My sister in law had major brain surgery the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I know her recovery is a long process, and yet I had the best gift because she drew my name. She handmade me a bag, full of handmade goodies. And a quilt. I have many people in my life who quilt, yet I have never recieved one as a gift. Every single thing made was perfect for me, and if I get nothing else for Christmas its ok because this is enough. 🙂 Of course, being the emotional basket case that I am, I cried at this gift. I felt exactly how I want others to feel when they open something from me.
The same way I feel every morning when I open a new day, a gift God has given me for 40+ years.
In the coming days as Christmas celebrations ensue, and gift giving commences, keep this thought in your heart- Jesus is the perfect gift- everything else is just stuff. So lets use the giving of stuff to reflect the love of Christ this holiday season like my sister in law did for me.
Thank You Amanda, for your generosity and kindness. You are amazing.
