My Thanksgiving
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is……
The Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I think we completely overlook the act being thankful in our everyday lives…however, this week, Thanksgiving is at the forefront of our minds. Sure, there is turkey and all of the trimmings. Traditionally I purchase poinsettias this week to keep for the holidays. We divide the tasks for the big dinner between myself, my momma and my sister in law. We eat, shop and laugh the entire weekend. The guys go hunting for pheasant, and spend time together bonding in the great outdoors with a bunch of dogs who run amuck like the kids…then on Monday- back to reality .
Reality
Now that is something worth discussing.
Why is it that our reality doesn’t include being thankful everyday for every moment? When we are young, we are taught please and thank you. We learn to write thank-you notes for graduations and weddings. But what is being thankful really about?
The word I like for giving thanks is eucharisteo. It means to give thanks. When considering that every moment of every day is a gift from God, shouldn’t thankfulness be a part of our everyday, like prayer and showering? Maybe thankfulness is just hard for some, because of their circumstances or life situation.
As for me, I will continue to give thanks for every single thing. God never gets tired of hearing from his children, and I never get tired of thanking Him. This holiday weekend, lets start a new tradition- of giving thanks every day for every thing.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s necesssary.
Forgiving someone for a single infraction is a far easier task than forgiving someone for repeated issues. I should know. I have had a person in my life for over 20 years who is constantly and consistently hurting the people I love. I have been hurt by this person too, however, I am far more forgiving ( and forgetting) when it only involves myself. If I want to be realistic- I am just too busy to hold a grudge, retaliate, or actually take time to tackle the issue, whatever it may be.
When trying to deal with a difficult person, it is important to try to understand where their difficulty arises from. Why is it that seemingly good people change ( sometimes rather quickly) and become hurtful, spiteful and sometimes just rude? Has there been a tragedy, a situation or a life changing experience that has left a negative imprint on their heart? Is it the influence of a new friend or significant other? Maybe a medical issue or scare has the person totally frazzled, enough to put up a defense mechanism that turns into an offense.
I have, in recent years, tried to have a different perspective when it comes to people who make my life more bitter than sweet. I try to look for a reason for the issue at hand. Sometimes I get lucky and I can figure out the culprit very quickly. Sometimes I feel like I may go my entire life and never know the real reason why someone has so much hate in them that they would want to see the hurt on their loved ones faces after something they have said, posted online or otherwise. It frustrates me sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Worrying about it is another story entirely.
Worrying about my family and the hurt they have endured this year has been a lot for me to digest. Especially when I am fully aware there is not one thing I can do to fix this problem for any of us.
Then I remember that forgiveness is not optional, its mandatory.
Not only for the person I’m forgiving, but for my own personal life. Forgiving someone when they do something absurd is the only way to have closure on issues that befuddle me. By offering forgiveness to someone, I offer them Grace that they have never imagined. It doesn’t take the anger, frustration or heartache away right away- those things take time. But it does provide me with closure and peace that I have done the right thing when others aren’t willing to. And it provides my family an example of how to effectively deal with the issue of forgiveness when it seems someone doesn’t deserve it at all.
We all feel like that sometimes, but we have to remember- we only get to live our life one time on this earth-we should do our very best to leave a legacy of forgiveness and compassion that others may never know.
Praying for those who consistently are a thorn, that they may be blessed with a rose.
Still all True…:)
Over the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of reflecting.
Lets face it, there has been a lot to reflect about.
The Two oldest children got married.
The youngest one entered High School.
The third one got his drivers license.
The granddaughter said “Mimi”.
There has been an overload of in laws.
I got laid off.
Things have been pretty stressful.
So, when things are like this, I reflect. Sometimes until I want to scream. I ask crazy questions, and then try to answer them. Some weird things have happened too, and they send me over the edge, so to speak. Like screaming all the way down. (I‘m still waiting to hit the bottom)
This is what I have come up with.
1- When “good” friends moved away, I found out how good of friends they really were. Like when they came back to town frequently and I don’t even know it.(thank you social media) Then I run into them and they act shocked and hurt that they didn’t know my children were getting married that weekend. (among other personal life things close friends would have a clue about if they were indeed as close as they made themselves out to be.)
2-There are some relationships I’ve worry about my entire married life, then I realized in one clarifying moment that I just do not care anymore. My marriage, my relationships with my husband, my children, my parents, my family, should not matter to other people. ( And their opinion of me should not impact their relationships with my husband and children either.)
3-I am maybe not meant to work a full time job with great income and great co-workers. I have applied everywhere. My degree is a piece of paper that cost me a lot of money, that looks pretty on my wall.(personally would like to throw darts at it)
4-People in my direct circle do not take me seriously when it comes to my expertise. Therefore, they consult other people with my expertise because those people are more likely to know the facts and I am not. (P.S. I know a few things, but I guess I will keep them to myself)
5-My walk with Christ is personal and sometimes when I sing, pray or worship I get full and I cry...That is just how I am wired. I am not the same person I was before my spiritual revolution, and some people do not know the new me. Sometimes people make assumptions based on things they have heard, instead of things they have found to be true for themselves. It makes me sad, because these very people should know better. And if they do not know better, then they do not trust in the word of God to be true. Redemption is real. Forgiveness is real. Change is real. I know, I have experienced them all.
Should I feel so frustrated for so many reasons? I think so. I am human after all. It gives me something to pray about, learn about, study. Provides me a place to grow. I like growing. It hurts, but its good.
I find in my reflecting, I am letting things go. Letting people go, and their judgement and false perceptions of me.
I do not need “friends” who are fair-weather- I need commitment.
I need prayerful friends who have a common goal- heaven.
I need in-laws who love and respect my husband in spite of his wife.
I need someone to take a chance on me and give me a job I can be worthy of.
I need people I trust to trust me with my expertise.
I need for the people who judge me to feel accountable for their own shortcomings first and understand I am redeemed by Christ- I’m not looking for redemption by any man.
Praying my attitude improves, and my reflections on all of these things is helpful for the future.
I love fall.
I LOVE FALL.
That is about all I have this morning.
Except this.
The sun is shining, it is a beautiful morning. I have no to-do list that is pressing, and I am looking forward to a wonderful day of things with my husband. We may move some roses. We may fix the garage door. We might have soup for lunch, and we might have time for a nap.
I love days like this.
Wishing I had a camera to collect the memories of a day like today.
My phone is pretty quiet.
My house is warm.
My coffee is hot.
My God is fabulous.
And my dogs are barking- which means they are hungry and want to come back inside with the family.
Praying everyday is a blessing for every one of you who read.
the scary truth
Yesterday at 1:09 I got the call no parent ever wants to get. The school called to say there had been a threat at the the high school and they had moved all of the students to the middle school for safety until the building was deemed “clear”.
Say WHAT?!
The next couple of hours were quite worrysome. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry a little, or have all of those images of other school crisis run through my head at least once. ( OK, maybe all afternoon, and might I add thank you to the media for replaying them so often they are burned into my memory forever) My friend , whom I was on the phone with at the time of the call, was also worried. Her son is at the middle school, and her thought was, “great- make the middle school a target too, not that there are twice the kids there”. Parents started criticizing the school right away, some out of fear, lack of control over their child’s safety, and some because that is their role in our community. (didn’t say it was right, I said it was their chosen role)
I sent my son a text right away-
“Are you guys ok?”
“Yes- we walked to the middle school gym”
“Do I need to come get you?”
“Noicanthavemyhoneoutrightnow.”
(translation- “No, I can’t have my phone out right now.”)
Good to know
Whew- somehow even a text hearing from one of my boys made me feel better. At 2:30, another call came, letting parents know the kids still could not return to the school for their things, they would need to make other arrangements to get home, even if they drove their own car because the bomb squad had been dispatched to sweep the school, parking lot and surrounding area.
Sha-zamm. There goes my calm,right out the window. Since school gets out at 3:00, I loaded myself into the truck and went to get my boys. No sense in them sitting in the gym doing nothing for another thirty minutes. The school was cleared by 4:00 and we went to pick up everything they had left behind. (as a side note a shout out to the ladies and gentlemen in the middle school office dealing with all us crazy worried parents they did an awesome job!)
On the ride home, neither boy showed any real concern for the days events. It was a message in the girls bathroom. They just didn’t see the reason for panic. They agreed the school did everything right to keep them safe, and they aren’t worried about returning today. I think that was the general consensus of the kids. They were more aggravated at the interruption in schedule than the remote possibility that someone at their school built any type of device to hurt anyone at their school.
The scary truth in this situation is, no matter how good of a parent you are, you cannot protect them from it all. They know by the time they are in high school the difference between right and wrong. They know other people may try to make life hard on them. They know about sex, bullying, drugs and driving. They know how to say no, how to call their mom and when to step in to protect one another. They are what I like to call pseudo-adults. I like this word because it aggravates them (hehe) and it gives them credit for the growing up they are doing, while keeping them in the confines of being able to lean on their momma and dad.
I also during this entire situation had to keep reminding myself that my children are children of God first. They were his first, and most importantly. If for some crazy reason they are torn from this world, it would devastate me. But, I know my Father will take care of my children better than I ever could, because He is my everything, and He is capable. So if I should ever get this call again, I know I will react in my very helpless human way- but I will always know that God has my back in every situation, and that is my only true source of comfort.
Praying today for the school, students, staff, administration and authorities that everyone is safe and not so on edge today…
Grace as a gift
This past weekend, I spent 24 hours with a group of ladies from my church at the Cafe Chocolat retreat. It was more eye opening than I could have imagined. I learned I can pray in front of other people, outside of my care group. I learned that grace is for everyone: your friends, yourself, your enemies. I also learned that not everyone who comes to a retreat is looking for what you have to offer, and some are just there as part of the routine of Christianity.
(something to do because you should do it, not because your heart is in it)
That last part really truly frustrates me. I mean, to the core. I am in a “weird” spiritual place right now- have been for months, and I cannot see complacency having a place in my walk with Christ. I am a huge procrastinator-(have had an unmatched sock basket for 21 years), so for me to make a statement about complacency is a big deal in my world. It actually hurts my soul to see women with so much to give, just sit like blobs and soak up nothing! Not just at a weekend retreat, but at any point in their life. Do they not realize their families are depending on them? Do they not understand their girlfriends may need their compassion, love and Christ centered attitude to help make difficult decisions? And why do they not understand that Christ wants nothing more from them- except themselves? I think its because no one has ever told them how important they are to their church,their family, their God. This makes me so sad, because it is true, every word.
I was very much the girl with blinders on. I was the one going through the motions of being a “christian woman”. Sunday church, care groups off and on, VBS leader, and so on and so forth. I was her. For a long time. I was unattached to Christ, unattached to my church home and unattached to myself. I was one of these women, and I think that is why I see it so clearly now.
As disappointed as I am that some women came and left without soaking anything up- and it was GOOD, the soaking, I am also refreshed with optimism that if I can come through to the other side of wonderful, then anyone can. Its not a place of trouble and carefree living, with no stress, no issues, no troubles. Oh, believe me, there are troubles. But there is Hope. There is Hope in Grace that Christ provides. He showed it very clearly to his friends in his compassion, he showed it to his enemies when he healed the ear of Malchus, and he showed it to us when he chose to die a brutal death on the cross so we can be free spirits forever. What more can a girl ask for really?
Grace is something we must choose to give and receive. We must choose it to use it, and I am loving it. Lets face it, people are annoying, hateful, even crazy. But we can be grateful that those people have a real chance at redemption, because that is what grace is for. And so, therefore do we.
Praying for receptive grace and for giving grace this week.
Feeling Overwhelmed?!
On Sunday, Lots of people told me how great my hair looks. I wore a ponytail for 309 days in a row, and I think most of them were just breathing a sigh of relief that I had a new look. Truthfully, I am overwhelmed and sometimes a big change makes me feel better. Plus, I wanted different hair for the second wedding in our family in 30 days….so I whacked it all off. 8 inches. Gone. No more ponytail-it isn’t long enough.
Yes, I said second wedding within 30 days. Both of them for my children. My son and his beautiful fiance were married on September 21, and my daughter and her fiance are getting married this Saturday.
Ask me about being overwhelmed.
In the middle of the daily chaos that makes up our family and our lives, I also got laid off, my husband lost 60 hours of work in a single month and I am working on planning a women’s retreat for our church with a group of women.
I have always been really good at saying yes to people I care about. I know being a yes girl has landed me in a world of trouble with time-management and such, but it feels so good to do something for others. Until this week.
The hair was a good sign, and my husband caught on right away. The first thing he said to me was ” after all this is over, we need to plan a weekend get away trip for ourselves”. No kidding. Then he complemented me on my haircut.
I know feeling overwhelmed is something we all deal with at some point- self inflicted or thrown on us by someone else, it can be a huge issue in our relationships and in our daily routine. The first thing I do when I feel that icky feeling running up my spine and into my head is to stop. I stop moving, thinking, even breathing. I stop and I pray. Anxiety is nothing to mess with, and there is nothing in the world that can bring down the house faster than an over-anxious momma stuck in a moment of uh-oh. I just say this simple prayer- “Father, I need you to lead. Lead my heart, my soul and my mind. I need you to calm my nerves, and give me clear thinking. Thank You Father. Amen”. Mostly this is a prayer that I say from the inside of my head, then I wait for the calm to happen- and it always happens. (And it is weird at first- actually made me a little angry that it was so easy for God to do it, but so hard for me to ask).
Oh but once I ask- things seem clearer, and to happen in the way they should. And typically when momma stops moving, breathing and thinking, people notice and it gets pretty quiet. Mostly issues resolve themselves, or disappear altogether. God does work in mysterious ways, and this one really baffles and impresses me every time.
The hardest part of this process is remembering in the moment to stop and pray. But once you start doing it- your overwhelmed feelings can be turned into motivation for accomplishing what seems impossible at the time- through Christ who gives you strength.
Today as I count down to wedding #2,
I pray for overwhelmed mommas and their overwhelmed moments.
Im not that girl anymore…WHEW
Ten years ago I came completely unhinged when people did stupid human things that humans do. I remember seeing someone cringe once when I came into the school to pick up my boys after they rolled off the bus in a fist-fight.
Brothers.
In a fist -fight.
With each other.
I was one really out of control momma. I am pretty sure that was my breaking point with myself. Then came my breaking point with everything else. I am not sure what exactly happened, and I am sure I don’t want to remember. I just know that I had met my limit with people, things and stuff in general.
Then in one of my little cleaning rages ( I tend to do that when I get angry or frustrated), I found a note card with a scripture on it. “Be still” it said. “KNOW that I am GOD”. I remember writing that on the card some years before when I was trying to be super-scripture girl-wanting to know the words, but truly never admitting that I didn’t understand them at all.
Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
Those words haunted me for days, as I tried to “get back into a routine” with the cleaning, mothering and wife-ing , (is that a word?) . I just kept coming back to them. BE STILL screamed at me from every dirty sock, dirty dish and dirty floor. Never was our house in such great shape. CLEAN house, dirty soul. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating. I accidentally went four days without caffeine….and during that headache I let the everything that was inside me, holding me prisoner to myself, out. I cried. I scrubbed. I cried. Then finally, I collapsed onto my bed and prayed.
WHAT?
Prayed?
Seriously, am I so dense that I had to collapse on my bed in hysterics to PRAY?! I really understood the straw that broke the camels back theory. and I never want to go there again. Growing hurts! I was very hurt. My heart ached for something that not even my husband could fill. My body hurt from all the scrubbing. My head hurt from over-thinking everything.
Prayer hurt too. Something totally unexpected. And new- not in the warm fuzzy way. I was really quiet for a few weeks. Then I decided I liked me that way. Was the entire lesson for me to just shut up and listen for once? Because I really still don’t know what I am listening for.
What I do know is this:
-God speaks in some loud ways, and some quiet ways.
-Prayer and meditation have changed me.
-I have everything I need, provided to me by the Father.
-I’m thankful I’m not that girl anymore.
Not being her doesn’t mean perfection. And I have learned it doesn’t mean other people have forgotten her. She is still very alive for some, and for some that is who I will always be. (That’s quite unfortunate since I have changed so much and have so much more to offer than others may think.) I will not go into the many many things I have left behind with the girl I used to be. Lets just say I am very careful to continue on the path God has laid before me, using discernment, prayer, meditation, fellowship and compassion. Everything I make a decision about must be Biblically founded in this new journey of mine. How I discipline my children, love my husband and where my loyalty lies. I worship a God who has undeniable power to change a life going nowhere good into something wonderful and inspiring to others. I worship a God who asks only that I love Him first and put everything about being human last. And when others aren’t ok with that, it is OK. Because I am.
From the perspective of someone who knows- If you have been judging someone from their past actions, behaviors or where they come from- remember- our God is compassionate, forgiving and loving. People are human and able to change. I did. And those who see my change recognize that God has moved in me, as He moves in others. Be careful not to fall into the trap of judgement, assumptions and grudges. Its not a place to live. And forgiveness and redemption are meant to be for everyone.
Praying for those unjustly accused and for their accusers- there are two sides to every story, and everyone should live as if they reside in a glass house.
Blessings Abundant
What a beautiful day, full of blessings around every corner!
First I woke up this morning to the giggles of the tornado-
(our granddaughter) . She was running around in her little white t-shirt and diaper chasing the dogs with a hairbrush, giggling so much it was contagious. Needless to say the dogs were very happy to see me distract her.
Then my adorable husband worked in the garden and with the help of our oldest son, got the barn roof fixed! The chickens will be happy, because once again their coop will stay dry when it rains!
While all the projects were going on, I went to the church and co- hosted the wedding shower for my future daughter-in-law. She was so excited, so happy and so beautiful! The true highlight of the party was her smile. I was completely blessed to see it spread across her face.
There is such a ministry in doing wedding showers for people who have no church home or are struggling in their life or faith. Aside from being completely blessed by seeing a smiling, happy bride, I love the idea of celebrating a new beginning for a woman. As women, we get stuck in ruts that life provides for us very easily. Its not like with men, who for the most part do not see the importance of fellowship and celebration for “girly” causes such as weddings or babies.
Lets face it, the bride is the pinnacle of the wedding, and the momma the pinnacle of the new baby. She is a vessel for setting up her home, and her nursery. She historically has depended on the other women in her community to teach her everything she needs to know to start this new chapter in her life. What a better way than to celebrate with a shower, small gifts and words of wisdom! (kudos to whomever invented these showers- ingenious)
I love it when the older women mix in with the younger ones, telling stories and sharing words of wisdom about marriage and babies. Its so important to surround a new couple or new momma with the love that only Christ can provide- unconditional, non judgmental and complete.
As a ministry, I can testify to the importance of this support- when my future daughter in law came to my house the day of her baby shower, I was SO TOUCHED by the women from my congregation who came and brought her a piece of themselves, unselfishly, lovingly supporting this new terrified momma, just because they were my sisters in Christ. Our love for Christ is what ties us together, and that love extended to her and my entire family that day. My husband and I were very touched by this, and we will never forget it.
Its also fun to have something that the men in our lives never understand-hehe .
At the end of the day, when everything is cleaned up, and everyone goes home, the bride gets to see just how much the people in her life love her, and are willing to do to take care of her. The hope is that she will define her life not by the things she is given, but by the wisdom she gains as a wife and mother. That she will allow God to reign and will follow a path full of love and hope for the future of her family.
From my heart, I love to serve- it has always been my strength. I love to do little things to make people smile and reflect on the moment. I love the pretty table settings, the beautiful bride or momma and the wonder on her face when she sees the room, all decorated in things that are useful in her home. The extra touches of a scrapbook after the event, of the event are precious memories for her. And a reminder to me that when serving , you are for more blessed than you can imagine.For those who know me well enough to see my life has changed, this entire journey has been a true blessing to me. Learning how to use my servants gift to show Christ has been a long journey, but I continue to try, and when I get knocked down, I get up and try again.
Pray for a servants heart so you can be a blessing to others.
the woman at the well
I am the woman at the well. Its true. I am her. I know what you are thinking.
1-you have only been married once
2-you are still married to the first
3-your well is electric
4-how can you even compare your life with hers
Here are all the answers:
1- I have been married only once, to a fabulous man ( not perfect, but perfect for me). He takes care of me, our children and our family. He meets all of my needs, and sometimes can read my mind. he keeps me grounded and safe.
2-We have been married for almost 21 years, with no issues of infidelity or otherwise. We have an honesty policy, even if the truth hurts. We are in everything together or not at all, with God leading us all the way.
3-Its a good thing I don’t have to carry water any further than the barn- I am a huge wimp and carrying heavy things long distances wears on me.
4-I cannot compare my physical life with hers- no comparison.
She had been married and remarried.
She was living in sin with a man who wasn’t her husband.
She was not welcome at the well with the other women who were more “appropriate” than her.
There it is.
She didn’t feel welcome.
Jesus took her to his heart anyway.
Found one.
She did not understand what living water meant when He said it to her.
There it is again.
Misunderstanding.
She was not “pure” or “clean”
There it is again-imperfection.
She was not included in the daily lives of the other women, because she was different.
I spend a lot of time alone, feeling rejected.
She was not looking for Him, because she didn’t know yet how he could change her heart.
Seriously significant- eye opening realization of who Christ is.
She had to learn about redemption the hard way.
DING DING…we have a winner.
I have learned everything the hard way.
Thank God He provides a soft landing.
The woman at the well is a fascinating story to me every time I read it. She is such an amazing example of how we receive gifts we weren’t looking for, when we think we are undeserving. It is also the greatest example of how not to be as a woman. Regardless of my differences with others, nothing I do should ever lead another woman to feel like she is less than I am. Christ see’s us all the same, and so should I.
Am I not the woman at the well?
That Jesus himself would save me, because He sees me as I am, not as I used to be?
Am I not the woman at the well?
Given the chance at eternity, no matter what the cost to Him?
Knowing my downfalls, my shortcomings, my everything?
Yet still He died for me, for her.
Because we are redeemed, I have nothing to fear.
*journal entry 7-7-13
Pray for yourself today- then pray for me.
