With recent events in my life unfolding I have taken a step back to really evaluate myself and what people see in me. I have to admit, I have my flaws. I can only be responsible for myself, and in the end that is all that is expected of me.  One conversation which seems to be coming up each time this can of worms is open catches me by surprise.  Do you live two separate lives?

Stick with me a moment, and embrace this idea. I am one of those people who sighs with relief when I pull into my driveway, get of my car and can walk in my house.

Home.

It’s where I can let down my hair, be my most vulnerable self, and let my guard down. It’s where I wear my favorite jeans, t-shirts and mismatched socks. I can go with or without makeup. I can cry. I have books all around, my bible lays open in the last place I read it and my last coffee cup isn’t too far from it.  I sit on the couch and read, watch some television that is pure junk or go outside and play in the garden.  There are chores, but there are also visitors, phone calls, emails and letters to address. I might even run to the store for a soda and some chocolate.

Wait.

There it is.

I might even run to the store….what does this mean? Do I change my clothes, put on makeup, and change my attitude, appearance or some other factor? DO I shut off the tv, change the channel or lock the dvr list so no one knows what I was watching?  Do I need to put on my public face because it is different than my private one? Do I need to change some facet of who I am at home into who I am in the public eye?

I do not. With me, what you see is what you get.  Literally, and unfortunately sometimes.

The amount of people who are completely different in their public life than their private life is startling to me. I just have never understood exhausting myself to put on a show that is based on a lie- something I am not. I would much rather have a genuine article in a person than the washed up and shiny, sparkling idea they want me to see.  Why don’t we value ourselves as much as we value what others think of us?

Valuing myself means I am going to be the best I can be, and for me it is only Gods judgment I am concerned with. I won’t give you part of me you aren’t ready for, however- I won’t give you something which isn’t part of me either. I’m not going to sugar coat the fact that I watch television that may be deemed inappropriate by some.  I wake up every morning and drink entirely too much coffee. I am a terrible housekeeper- but I would love to be super organized. I write a lot, I read a lot and I listen to my music in a loud fashion.  I yell sometimes, I cry always. I am not very good with money, but I am working toward being a better steward.  My shirts are wrinkled. My clothes probably need replaced. My socks rarely match. I burn the popcorn. My gardens need weeded, my laundry needs folded and my current projects are piled on the dining room table with a months’ worth of junk-mail.  When you drop by, call to say you’re coming over or plan weeks in advance, chances are, you will see all of these things about me and more. It’s pretty real here.

When I go to church, I see some of the most down to earth people I have ever known. They are the genuine article, full of love, grace and mercy. Always shining Jesus, even in a situation that is not optimal, their light still shines. It reflects in their homes, it reflects at their job. They are the same in the grocery store, the church pew and the ball field. Real, authentic and refreshing. I also see some of the biggest shows on the face of the planet. There are people walking around with so much fear of what people will think- they actually are a completely different person when not in the comfort of their own home. I have heard it described as a control issue or as a privacy issue. Either way, if you are that worried about what others think of you- then maybe you should be worried about what God thinks as well? I am not sure He intends for us to live separate lives- He expects us to be an example, to live simply and fully in Him, even at the risk of people “knowing” things about us that are not perfect.  Humility and honesty go hand in hand, along with sincerity and compassion, grace and mercy. If we, as Christians are going to live like Jesus, and expect others to believe it, then mustn’t we embrace our private life and just be real?  And if we, as Christians are worried about other people “seeing” or true private life, then maybe we aren’t as real as we would like to think.

Which life do you live?

Are you all in, or do you have both a private and public life?