Respecting My Single Friends

I read a lot of things. I have a lot of single friends. I have to be honest- I do not envy them one bit. Hubs and I were married right after I graduated high school- in September. I have never lived alone, never had to “shop for one” and never had to find a date for any social event. I have never spent a Christmas on my own or had to wait to see if someone would call me for a second date. I have never had to juggle more than one prospect, check my planner in front of people to make myself look busy or take my friend to a banquet.  At the end of the day, I curl up on the couch with Mr. Right and a quilt. We laugh, drink coffee together and make mistakes together. We live this life as one, just as marriage was intended.  However, I don’t think marriage was intended for everyone. Even though I do not envy them, I do respect my single friends.

For my single friends, I must say, you are champs in my book. I know the sweet ladies at church are always asking you when it’s “your turn”. I know the pained look when you open an invitation to someone else’s wedding shower or have to RSVP to a party with a “plus 1” option. I know you have your moments of fear of the future, age creeping in and wondering about love lost. I want you to know that us old married girls know. We see you. Sometimes we live vicariously through you. On occasion, we want your solitude, your quiet, your cute apartment that looks like a boutique.  We love your heart, your focus on others and your ability to drop everything to be by someone’s side. We love your careers, your closet, and your spunk. We love how you put your clothes in the hamper and your dishes in the sink. But above all else, we want you to know you are loved, cared for and deeply respected.

Personally, I want to offer you something I can give freely- a bit of encouragement and a bit of love. If I had a brother who was available, I would send him your way, if you needed him.  But I don’t think you need him. I think having your life figured out is a bogus idea- a concept of perpetual keeping up with something that doesn’t exist for any of us, single or married. Your life is yours- you can make the choice to be single, or to continue looking for Mr. Right. Either way, we love you regardless of your status. If you are reading this thinking “yep, easy for you to say, you have a 23-year marriage and everything figured out”, let me tell you- I do not. There are just two of us to “figure stuff out”, and we have been going in perfect circles making it look good our entire marriage! We aren’t ahead of the curve any more than you, and we are not getting anywhere any faster. We are just two instead of one.

I love my married friends, and I love my single ones too. I don’t want you to ever think you are the third wheel in our home. There is always room for you at our table. We won’t set you up with a creep, and I will come to the coffee house and silently “chaperone” a blind date if you want. Or we can just go to the mall and laugh at all the bad fashion. You can come to our church and sit at Jesus’ table too. If being single was the plan for him, I think it can be an awesome plan for you.  And if this is just a season you are in, we will gladly embrace you and the singleness of your life until Mr. Right comes along.

I love being married. I love my married friends. I love my single friends, too. There is room for all of us, and we all have a role in each other’s lives. I personally wouldn’t have it any other way.