Sometimes I Forget You Have a Plan.
Sometimes I forget you have a plan. I decide to panic and figure things out on my own, when it is much easier to simply let you do it all and follow along. The still small voice inside me screams. I need to wake up- pay attention. There are things I am supposed to be doing. The fear I let get a hold of me has left me tired and confused. I know I am your child. I know you have everything under control. I know it is all in your time.
I also know I am human. I have patterns from the past. They creep in when I feel a little lost because I took my eyes off you. They try to move me into a direction which is opposite of where I know I need to be. My heart beats hard and my stomach turns with anxiety, a by product of switching my gaze from you to my circumstance.
I breath in and let it out but it doesn’t all escape. A cleansing breath only brings relief when I don’t over-think its purpose. I try again. Tears build up in my eyes as I realize all is not lost- I simply need a moment to let you gather me instead of trying to gather myself.
I make sure to reach out to my person. He has been waiting for me to speak up. He has things to say which are truth and I need to hear them. He gives me sound direction and then points me back to you. He says he knew the instant I was in trouble. The minute I got shaky and fearful. He suggests I follow through with my plan. I agree because really there is no where else to turn. You are it. My plan is to seek your plan.
I re-route my heart and mind to focus on you again. I need to be filled up so I can empty out for you. I will finish my war room this week. I pray for peace where work is concerned. I ask for not only forgiveness for getting lost, but for humility to proceed forward. It isn’t my work which needs to be done- it is yours. If I am to do it I want credit to fall on you.
In my mind I clear out all the things I have been worried about. I turn them over to you because I clearly cannot handle them. My soul wasn’t created to handle humanity alone. I am part of my Father and He is part of me. I make the adjustment in my thinking to allow you to handle all the things, big and small. It gives me peace as a wave of relief washes over me. I breath in deeply then exhale-fully. A cleansing breath to push out all those last thoughts and fears. All remaining insecurities fall to the side.
I hear you whisper to my heart. I am not recovered fully, but rest in you will provide that. There is a plan, and I am part of it. I need to be ready for whatever you send to me next. I need a recharge and reboot. Thank you Lord for giving your servant exactly what she needed most.
A reminder of your justice, mercy and grace.
Xoxo
