The Restlessness Inside Me

ECC 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

 

I sit in the church service and take notes. I shift around in my seat, acutely aware of my wrinkled sock in my shoe. I look over at my husband as he tunes into what the speaker is saying. I glance down the aisle at a couple of friends. One of them just joined this church. She came from the same place we had, just different circumstances. My husband likes it here. It’s a small church, a nice building with loving people. They aren’t afraid to look me in the eye, having a conversation or smiling at me. They even ask me about myself and stop to listen. It’s been a long time since someone genuinely approached me, asking me questions instead of making assumptions. That’s something amazing for sure, but I am still insecure. I fidget in my seat as the speaker continues, unaware how close to wrapping up he is. Something he briefly mentioned grabbed my attention long term. It shook me to the core, actually. The scripture he referred to spoke of restlessness.

God placed restlessness with the things of this earth on our hearts intentionally.

Intentional restlessness. Finally, a reasonable explanation for the madness I feel constantly surrounds me.  I have always been restless; felt so out of place. I’ve never felt confident anywhere; not in the true and comfortable capacity I yearn for. So many people I know and love seem so satisfied with it all. I ask myself now- are they really content, or are they faking it? Are others making it look good because they are afraid of the restlessness, the feeling of loss of control? Why are we so afraid to respond to the restless feeling which is intentionally placed upon us?

What is it about spiritual restlessness that scares us so much? When we feel restless, we may be worried there is something wrong with us. We are not made for this world; we were never meant to be here forever. Basically, we live to die, to live again. If this is the entire reason for our existence, then why do we allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in the culture, the stuff, and all the things we do?

When the restlessness we feel begins to affect our daily life, we must ask ourselves why. What are the things we are doing when we feel the most restless? Some things that come to mind are going to the places we worship, work or learn. Maybe there is a trigger in those places making us  feel uncomfortable because God needs us to complete something as part of his plan. What if the restless feeling we are experiencing is because we aren’t supposed to be comfortable in the first place? When we feel insecure and unsure about things, we tend to have anxiety about them. We worry about what comes next, forgetting who is in control of it all.

Maybe finding comfort in being restless is just what we need. Finding comfort in something we don’t understand is no easy task, but fighting it is even harder. Embracing the restlessness which has been laid upon our hearts is essential to moving forward with everything God has planned for our lives.