I normally do not have a hard time meeting new people. I can work together on a team of complete strangers for a worthy combined cause. When I was in the desert, I never expected to turn into a complete introvert. I was so overwhelmed by everything thrown at me, that I just wanted to crawl inside myself and hide until it was time to leave.

I never bonded well to the people I served alongside in the mission field. I am not sure why, I just never really felt like part of the group. I participated in every activity on a completely different level. I had my husband holding my hand pretty much the entire time, which was wonderful. I had spiritual experiences like never before. I prayed much more than normal, and I was surrounded by mostly people that I knew.
It was really weird to be so disconnected.

One day I realized my detachment was because of my perception that we were only there for 7 days, and in a few weeks, most of those on the trip would have forgotten their experiences and gotten on with their life. I just don’t operate like that. I come home changed, different somehow every time I leave. I prepare for that by praying over it each time. I embrace change within, and spiritual change is always welcome. I love growth, even though it usually hurts.

The missionaries I served with stay in Arizona all the time. The work trips are only scheduled part of the year, and the rest of the time they are on their own. There could be no one else coming for months at a time. The family lives close to the mission, school and church. They literally spend every minute of their days working for the mission they serve. And even though they are in the U.S., I can only imagine how lonely it is to be away from your family for such a length of time.

 

I never shared this with them, but I completely recognized those feelings. Not really bonding with the people on the trip, some of whom I would go home and see all the time, is kinda the same thing. I knew that only a handful of people would want to return, while others would ignore the call and plan a vacation instead of a missions trip. I knew some went on this trip to hide from their reality at home and some went because others invited them, and they thought it would be “fun”. I went to serve. To experience God with my husband like we had never done before. It made it really hard for me to come home and be my “normal” self. It made it hard not to be angry at some who saw it as a vacation.

It was really hard when I realized the missionaries must feel like this and see it every single time a group arrived, then left. I wondered if they ever thought it was a waste of time, having work trips. I still wonder if they thought I was worth the days we spent there. We returned a second summer, and really fell in love with the culture, area and the entire concept of the mission itself.  The second time around was confirmation that I wasn’t just enamored with the idea of missions, I was inspired by the people who live it every day, and have the strength to endure it all.