Unexpected Adult Things: The Adult Aggressor

It occurs to me there are some things we never outgrow from our childhood.

For some, it is the reaction we have to others. Our insecurities never completely go away. We are sometimes surprised by the natural responses we feared when we were younger.  Those feelings creep up and before we know it, we are right back to our twelve-year-old self.

For others, it is the actions we take to get a reaction from other people. The need for some type of control over our environment or our fear of looking weak to our peers drives some to be intimidating. It makes us feel empowered for a moment.

Both perspectives are things some of us would rather have left behind.

We don’t all live in our childhood neighborhoods. If we do, it isn’t filled with the same exact people from twenty plus years ago. We have new friends, new family members and we belong somewhere. Whether it’s our church, our kids’ activities or our community in general, we come into constant contact with other adults.

Once in a while, there will be some jerk who never grew out of the antics he possessed in junior high school.

The possibilities for him (or her) to evoke havoc on our lives are very real, and the anxiety we are left with is almost traumatic.  It is a catch twenty-two because even though we want to avoid, the jerk is always going to be there because this is the community we both live in. He makes it feel as if it’s not big enough for all of us. His constant badgering of people around him leaves us feeling bullied and anxious.

There, I said it.

The jerk is nothing but a bully. He is looking for control

It sounds so basic, so simple an explanation. He is looking for control in an area of life where he has no place. These things can come about for a variety of reasons, but boil down to one fact- sometimes a person never grows up.

When a community catches on to the pattern of issues, how should it respond?

The majority of people just want it to go away. We choose to live in communities where we can “do our thing” without the constant drama others interject. Standing up to an adult bully is not an easy task, and a lot of people do it alone. Many will agree something needs to be done for resolution, but few will commit to the task of doing the right thing.

Just like in John 8:1-11, the locals did not try to interject in the stoning- or the not stoning- of the adulteress. They were just resigned to go along with whatever decision thePhariseess came to. First, it was “She’s guilty, stone her”, then it was ” they all dropped their stones and walked away one by one”.  It only took one man, Jesus, to make the decision. It only took one comment from him,

There are solutions to this problem which are both effective and immediate. Join me next time when I share my personal story, and how I surprised even myself.