When Forgiveness is Not Reciprocated.

Part Three

When Reciprocation is limited

 

When forgiveness or the need for it is not reciprocated, what do we do?  A relationship cannot be restored without it. What happens when forgiveness is in order and much needed, but the other party involved wants nothing to do with any of it, from either direction? What happens when the hurt person just cannot forgive you? What happens when you need to forgive, but the other party just is not receptive?

 

In Matthew 18:21-22, 35, Jesus is sharing the details of the unforgiving debtor.

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” (NIV)

Jesus shares the story of the servant who could not repay his master, yet went out upon his debt-free dismissal, and had a man indebted to him thrown in prison. The master was unhappy and disappointed in his lack of forgiveness after being forgiven himself for the exact same thing. He was turned over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay back his original debt.

He concludes this story of consequences with this: 35 “And this is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

This is where the need for the Holy Spirit to intervene becomes a reality. If you are in need of forgiving someone, and they won’t accept, you can always send a letter or a card. Trying to provide forgiveness is better than doing nothing at all. Praying and asking for guidance will get you to the place you need to be to pen a message of forgiveness. There is always a risk the written word will be taken out of context, so reviewing it or having someone else read it might be a good idea. The more personal, the better. This is a time when a text or email will not do. Sincerity is important.

When needing forgiveness and being granted it, this is where you ask the Holy Spirit to intervene for your forgiveness. This is when you pray and come to terms with the humanity we are given. Not everyone is willing to forgive. Not everyone knows how important it is, or how to do it. Some people would just rather continue to re-live the hurt, playing it over in their mind until they are convinced they are right to hang on to this grudge. This is when you must remember, forgiveness is a choice, and some people chose not to.

Regardless of the reason, Jesus can and will always forgive you with repentance and confession. His promises prove to be the only sure thing when forgiveness is needed. He forgives, forgets and moves on, providing you with peace and the ability to also move forward. He has great plans for you, and feeling the guilt and restraint of being unforgiven is not one of them. He needs for us to be able to focus on his mission for our lives, understanding that while we are human in nature, we do have a choice.

Choosing to forget after forgiveness is a hard task, and some may never allow you to do so. The grudge they hold in their heart can have a tight grip, and can be brought to the surface as a reminder frequently and intentionally. When a person has the ability to choose to keep returning to the original story, not ever letting you off the hook, the problem becomes theirs alone. Once you have confessed, received consequences and asked for intentional forgiveness, the Holy Spirit has you covered. Praying for this situation is the best case scenario and the only true option. Re-hashing it with a friend is not recommended, re- discovering it does not work. Spinning your wheels trying to figure it out does nothing but waste time. Moving on prayerfully and intentionally is the best way to deal.

This stuff is hard to talk about and even more difficult to practice. Jesus said to forgive them seventy times seven. So, we keep forgiving, we keep asking for forgiveness and we hold onto the hope of Christ and his promises  of a clean slate