When Christmas is upon us, and I start making a list of things I would like to purchase for my family and friends, I take it very seriously. I spend a lot of time picking out the perfect gift for every person. I have a budget, but I am more worried about making a perfect match. I listen very carefully during the year to all of those wants, and I also watch out for some needs. I basically treat each person as an individual, and I try really hard to make them smile with delight on Christmas .  Its just what I do. I have always thought when I buy a gift for someone, it should be based on them, what I know and what they love.

I have been on the receiving end of gifting weirdness, awkward presents and just plain ridiculousness. I have seen the looks on the faces of those who are delighted, and those who are disappointed. I’ve also seen the look of sadness when someone figures out the person they love just doesn’t really care.  Some of the best gifting moments came from the smallest  seemingly insignificant things; and some of the worst came from some really crazy items purchased for the sake of gifting rather than giving.

There is a difference between gifting and giving- Gifting is just purchasing something random for the sake of having a gift for someone. Giving comes from the heart, well thought out or done in sacrifice out of love and respect for another.  Money is not an issue with giving- its about the heart.

Here are a few examples of some gifting fails I have witnessed-

My husband received tube socks- only tube socks. Awkward moment for us all.

I received a  re-gifted item I had previously purchased- still in its original wrapping paper.

I saw some kids open wallets one year. Empty velcro wallets. The expectation was for something more, because the other kids got more. It was a hard lesson for all of us.

I try really hard to give of myself in other areas, so when I purchase Christmas gifts, I do the same. I have a list, make a plan and stay flexible. Just when I think I have it figured out something ungrateful happens. It can come in the form of a comment, a conversation with another person or a social media post. People I love, making demands about what they “want” or “don’t want” for Christmas, their birthday or otherwise. It unnerves me and leaves me feeling frazzled and hurt. I feel there is no need to put out a here’s-what-I-don’t-want-list. Maybe it is just me being over sensitive, but I take my giving very seriously. And I take demanding specific items not be given as an insult to those of us who know and love the people we purchase for.  What happened to manners, humbly receiving gifts and saying a thank you filled with gratitude?

We live in a world of instant gratification- we do not know how to save up for a large purchase- we 90-day-same-as-cash purchase it, hoping we can cover the payments. We see something and put off paying our credit card to make another purchase. We  break things quickly instead of taking care of them, and we just purchase a new one, because everything is considered disposable.  People are not to be treated as such.

To wrap up- I just want to say this- when the people who love you give you a gift, even if its just tube socks- we say thank you, wrap our hug around the giver and smile through our hurt feelings, because in this house, we know how to give rather than gift, and we know how to receive out of humility and gratitude, rather than make demands abut what we will not accept.

I hope this provokes thoughtful conversations, and reminds us all what this season stands for- giving of a gift, and ourselves selflessly and in love.